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Freedom10 last won the day on January 31 2017

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  1. It's good to be back. I used money from the divorce (we had a ton of savings) to put money down on the house. I wanted to ensure that my mortgage payment including taxes and insurance would not be more than 1K a month. No matter what happens I can afford that. The good thing is the house was pretty much turn key - nice appliances - washer and dryer - I left the marriage with not much regarding furniture. I bought a couch for 700.00 from Value City - it is leather and has a stain on the back (originally over 1K retail I got a discount because of the discoloration) but no one sees the back so it's fine with me. I bought a new television set. I bought two counter height stools for the kitchen (I don't have a dining room table yet, and as it's just me I'm happy to wait on that) All of that I paid for in cash. I bought a hot tub for 5K - again in cash. Paid the electrician to hook it up - 350 in cash. But over 2016 I did rack up 8K in credit card debt, 2K of that was lawyer fees, the rest I honestly don't know - probably from when I was laid off, and got my apartment. When I was living with my roommate I didn't have ANYTHING furniture wise, so when I moved into the apartment I needed things - I bought a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, a casper mattress, a bedframe, a couple of lamps, an office desk, a coffee table. Essentially everything needed for a kitchen. Knives, cutlery, dishes etc. I bought cheap stuff that I am still using - but I'm guessing that those purchases probably were most of the CC debt - plus moving cost 600.00, and my car got hit and my deductible was 500 - so the 6K I am sure came from all of that. . Now here's the deal - in the divorce I was also given 80K in a savings account. (This is untouched, I did not use any of that money on the downpayment for the house) I want to keep that cash - so my plan is to pay off my credit card debt in chunks - say 800 to 1K a month. That way I will feel comfortable knowing that I have cash if need be - and my interest rate is only 10%. Which honestly I can handle knowing that I have the cash on hand. If I lose my job - if something terrible happens - I don't need a CC to handle it - I've got cash. I KNOW this is not the DR way - I KNOW I should use the savings and pay off the CC immediately - but being on my own and having the security of cash - plus knowing I CAN pay off the debt at any time makes me feel safe. That is my only debt. Yes I could have put the 5K for the hot tub onto pay down the credit card - but like I said - life is short - and I've wanted this since the day I left my ex and it makes me happy dang it. It really makes me happy. So I've committed to paying 800 to 1K a month against the CC and NO - I'm not putting anything else on it - everything else is cash flow - and I'm living a very paired down lifestyle. I have dinner out once a week - I quit drinking - I'm TRYING to quit smoking but that's a little harder - I do have cable - but I'm going to drop to just internet after the superbowl. I pack lunch everyday - my commute is 8 miles each way, so I think between being very financially cautious I can easily get back to saving. For the summer - I know I will need to buy a lawnmower - a shovel - a weedwacker. I'd like to get a grill and some patio furniture - but I'm willing to go cheap and used for all of that - I just need to be aware of the expenses that may be coming and get ready to cash flow them while still paying off the CC.
  2. Wow - It's been a while and a lot has happened - actually - everything that could have happened has indeed happened. I can't stay on long - but here is where we are: I moved into my own two bedroom apartment in December of 2015. In Feb of 2016 I was laid off after 10 years. I freaked out - totally freaked out. Got very depressed - got suicidal - wanted to simply not be anywhere anymore - no job, no husband, no divorce, no friends - it was a really crappy three months - like really really really really horrible. I never want to be in such a dark place again. In March of 2016 my divorce was final. In April I got a great contracting job. I loved the job but I hated being a contractor - so I kept job hunting daily to get on with a software company in a staff position. In September I found a full time position at a computer company that I love!!!! I no longer work from home - which is wonderful as that was really contributing to my depression. It was bad - not leaving the house - some days I wouldn't get dressed - when I was depressed I didn't eat for days. Feb - April of 2016 was one of the very worst periods of my life. In November I bought a house. My rent went from 755 (special move in price) to 935, which made me mad and I had the cash so I bought a house - my mortgage including taxes is 955 so I'm good on that. (Yes I put more than 20% down on the house). Last week - I put in a hot tub. Last night I got in my very own hot tub for the very first time and it was WONDERFUL!!!! Finances have been in better shape - and for the first time in my life I have some CC debt, about 8K - but I'm going to go after it (I have more than enough in savings to pay it off outright - but I want to keep the cash)- I paid for the Hot tub in cash - and I KNOW I should have paid off the cc before buying a hot tub - but dang it - life is short - I'm driving a 13 year old car, I'm divorced and I'll never have kids - I had a CRAPPY THREE YEARS and I wanted a hot tub - so I got one.
  3. Freedom10

    I'm moving

    I've decided to move out of my roommate's condo. Perhaps it's not the greatest financial decision - but it won't be too much more expensive. I just NEED NEED NEED NEED my own place. I can't continue to live out of one bedroom. My mental health depends on moving on. I signed a lease for eight months which will end in August - hopefully I can transition directly from my apartment to a house because with any luck at all the divorce will be over by then. I signed a lease on a two bedroom one bathroom bottom floor apartment that allows large dogs. Levi is over 50 pounds already. My payment is 759 a month which includes sewer. I get a free gym membership and it has a pool and running paths around the complex. I will have to pay extra for electricity and internet - I don't care about cable - I just need fast internet to work from home. I move on December 5th - I'm really excited - I've not had my very own place to live since 2002 when I got married. I don't have any kitchen stuff - but I have a couch which I can sleep on until I get a bed and I have a desk for my work machines. I do have a crockpot and a stock pot. I have some dishes and mugs - I have one set of sheets and some washcloths and a couple of towles. I know this may not be the best financial decision - but I can easily afford it - I have no car payment and I NEED MY OWN PLACE...
  4. Well, I think I'm feeling better for now. I'm already worried about the holidays and a little depressed about them if I'm honest. I'm just so ready to be done with this so I can move on with my life - but I can't change what it is and I can and should use this time to improve my situation as best I can and prepare for what I'm going to do as soon as the divorce is final. First this is first - go out to dinner with some friends to celebrate the new chapter of my life. Then I'd like to buy a small house - just for me and Levi with a hot tub in the back yard. I'd like to pay for it mostly in cash. I want a nice neighborhood, but I don't mind if the schools are big city - one year from today, that will be me. So I don't know if I should talk about this - but I've been working on not drinking at all. I've had moderate success with this, I'm down to only having a few beers one night a week, but I've come to the point where I know that even two beers will interrupt my sleep, and face it - alcohol is a depressant, and I certainly don't need more of that in my life right now. So I'm done with the stuff - at least until my divorce is final. Work is going well and Levi is doing great. It's so nice to have him. On the weekends I let him sleep in the bed with me, weekdays he's in his crate next to my bed. He's been great as far as potty training - he has not had an accident in months - so that's wonderful! I won't think about the holidays yet. Just because this year is going to be different does not mean it is going to be bad.
  5. I'm just tired of living in a situation where I have a roommate. It is working out very well - and has so far, but I'm so ready to be on my own again. To feel comfortable in my own house - not feeling like a permanent guest. Again, I am thankful for my living situation. My roommate has been the most accommodating and she's a great friend - but I'm really thinking about renting an apartment.
  6. I'm just so angry right now - I feel so helpless, I just want to move on with my life and I can't. I simply can't, I just have to focus on things I can control. It's been such a long and painful process - and I don't even know what the financial difference would be between ending our marriage in March of 14 and when I filed. What if the difference would only be 10K? Is it worth it to fight this motion and continue into next year - But the thing is we have no idea because they don't have their numbers - so my question is - how much longer would you hold out before you just gave up and made a deal? I mean - I've come this far so what's another few months - but damn it - I want this over... How much would be worth it to hold out for?
  7. So yesterday was our second court date - at least it was supposed to be. A girlfriend went with me - we arrived really early and sat outside the courthouse smoking - as we did my ex walked passed us and into the building. Anyway - I check in with the Baliff and sit down - a few minutes later my lawyer comes to me and says that while they are there - they do not have all of the financial information that they were required to provide soooooo......... Continuance.....until........... January.. January... I am so depressed and frustrated, and angry - this sucks..... I have provided everything they have asked for - I don't understand how he can't be penalized for not having his financial information ready....
  8. Freedom10

    Here we go..

    I wish you an easy and safe trip!
  9. So, I'm trying to actively incorporate better things in my life. Someone gave me a running leash. You clip it around your waist and it clips to the dog - there is a handhold and it has a little stretch to it. She wasn't able to use it to run with her dog, so she gave it to me. I took Levi out on two runs with it and it works really well! I like it and I think he really likes it too. We did two miles each time. I have to send her a thank you note. I went to my first AA meeting. I picked a women only group. It was nice - I will go back this week. I have to give six months worth of my checking account activity - which makes me feel kinda violated. I can see why they want to see my paystubs - but to see my activity and to know I spent 50.00 eating out or whatever. That seems like a little too much to me. But I don't have a choice. I hate that. I don't mind anything else - but giving them my checkbook activity sucks. But it must be done - so that is on my list of things to do tonight. I might also go to another meeting. It helps to hear stories from people who had to face so many difficulties and still come out better for it.
  10. So yesterday was my first pretrial hearing. It was a very different experience for me. A girlfriend of my mine went with me, she picked me up at home and drove me down to the courthouse. My biggest anxiety was seeing him again. I saw him - we didn't make eye contact - we didn't say a word to each other. Isn't it sad that so many years of companionship end like this? So, our lawyers got up and each explained the simple background of the case. His lawyer lied. As in lied. She said "Basically my client came home one day and his wife was gone and he was not able to locate her for over a year." I didn't say a word - the girlfriend who came with me and knows the both of us also told me later that she was thinking "hmm, that's not how it happened." and it wasn't. If it WAS how that happened I would have taken everything I wanted from the house. The way that it DID happen was my roommate came to the house with me and HE WAS THERE. I packed a suitcase of clothing with BOTH OF THEM IN THE HOUSE, and she and I left together. HE WAS IN THE HOUSE WHEN I LEFT. As far as not being able to find me. It is true that I did not give him my roomates address - I didn't want him to harass her. He knew her name, knew that she lived nearby, he also knows my cell phone number (hasn't changed) where my office was located (didn't change) my email address (hasn't changed). After it was over I told my lawyer that. I said "She lied, that's not true. I can probably find emails to back that up. If he really wanted to get in touch with me he could have at any time. In fact, I tried to meet with him in person to talk and he ended up throwing my mail at me in the parking lot of where we met to have dinner. That ended that. My lawyer said not to worry about it - she said it does not mean anything and there is no reason to even argue over it. Ex wants to set back the date of "the end of the marriage" to be the day that I left because he's been making house payments and etc and does not want to include that money in the pile that is to be split. I disagree with this because I tried many times to get this to end over the last year but he refused to work with me. I think the date of the "end of the marriage" should be the date the court ends our marriage and we split money based on that. His lawyer also said that they do not believe that I should get any sort of spousal support because "we met at the same company and therefore I could easily earn as much as he does." It is true that we met at work. However, I am in a different field that is not as highly paid. That's like saying a janitor and a CEO work for the same company so they have the same earning potential. Not true. Now I understand what people mean when they say his lawyer is very "difficult". I feel 1 million times better. I'm not all the way there yet - but just getting that done yesterday made me feel like a weight was off my shoulders. We have another court date set for November. I have been seeing a counselor. I also think I may need to start going to AA. I do not drink every day - far from it - but I'm using alcohol to self medicate. That's not good. I feel stressed and I want a beer. I feel stressed and I want to go out to a bar and just sit on the patio and watch people play cornhole and relax, get my mind off of me. I don't drink to excess, I might have 3 or 4 beers and then have dinner and then go to bed, but I've been tracking my consumption this month and found that I'm having beers 3 or even 4 days a week now, and I never drank like that before. I'm worried that I'm developing a very bad habit of dealing with stress. When I'm stressed out my first thought is more often than not to have a beer to take the edge off. That's not good - I see myself as being at the top of a steep slope that I could easily fall down and to the bottom from. I've been talking to my counselor about that - and she agrees that I need to find a different outlet for stress. My counselor is on vacation this week but I have another appointment with the psychiatrist today so I'm going to that. I will also tell him about my concerns. I'm very glad that there is finally some traction on this. His lawyer threw out the number of "360" which is WAY more than I've heard before - but I think she is including my retirement savings which is nearly 100K. But I do feel as if I have turned a corner. Getting this in front of a judge is good. I almost don't care what happens, it's just good to know that it will get done. Finally. Seeing my ex was sad - but he was as cold as ice. I didn't really expect anything different. He's a jerk - that's why I left him. But I finally feel like I can start to navigate my way through this.
  11. It went really well - he gave me an anti-depressant and 30 days worth of anti-anxiety pills. But I am not to take them every day. I think I will save them for when we go to court. He also gave me a list of therapists to call and make appointments with. I'm going to go through that list and make a call this afternoon. Was it worth more than 300.00? Well ask me that in a couple of weeks when the medicine starts to take effect.
  12. That's it - I've broken down - I have an appointment with a psychiatrist today at 3:30. Of course this psychiatrist is NOT part of my health insurance plan. I called, and looked and searched for someone in my plan. There were a couple - but they are for children only. I will state this once and now - we need to make mental health care as readily available and affordable as physical health care. I've never looked for mental health care before- and it's ridiculous that it is SO EXPENSIVE and so difficult to find. I can't help but think that a lot of tragedies in this country could be avoided if only it were easier to get mental help. I have to pay this out of pocket. I debated not going - but damn it - I need this. I can't continue to go one the emotional rollercoaster of my life especially as the court dates are getting so close. My anxiety is keeping me from sleeping. I need help to get through this. I could go to my GP - but I think that seeing an actual shrink - a specialist in emotional problems will not only provide me the most effective treatment- but it may also be the most efficient thing to get me feeling better. This doctor visit will cost me.... 325.00. YES - like I said - I debated not going - but thinking about driving my car off the road - feeling like my life is pointless and that I'm a reproductive cul de sac - sucks. I need out of this slump. I've been doing my level best for over a year - and now I need effective treatment to power through to the end. Yes - it is 325.00 - Yes I will soon have lawyer fees coming out my rear end - but I NEED help. I need it. I've decided that I will pay for 200.00 of the fee from my HSA. (That's all I put in this year..) and the rest I will pay in cash. I need the help. It's very, very expensive- but I need it. I need it more than I need clothes - or dinner out - or getting my hair done - this has to be a priority for me now so I can get everything else in order. I'm angry that it is so expensive - but I need it. If I can start to feel better - to see a light at the end of the tunnel - it will be worth it. And if not- then it's only money I suppose.
  13. So my ex replied via his attorney - he answered the filing and I now have to fulfill a "Request for Production of Documents". You know what's weird? All of these legal documents are simply "textbook and fill in the blank." - I don't understand why attorneys do not take the time to tailor these documents to the specific case, and get this stuff out of legalese. I would consider myself to be of average intelligence, and am myself a writer so I should be able to understand these documents without having to consult a dictionary or review paragraphs several times to understand the details. And holy cow - what is with use of adjectives and synonyms? It's like they use no less than three of each in EVERY FREAKING sentence. For example: "Defendant states that Plaintiff has possession, custody or control of each of the foregoing documents." Seriously?? Why not just say - "You have these papers and we want to have copies too." If I can't locate a document I have to indicate if: 1) it is missing or lost 2) It has been destroyed 3) It has been transferred, voluntarily or involuntarily to others 4) or if it has been disposed of otherwise. Ok so if I have a paper - I either - have it - lost it - gave it away or threw it away - so what on earth is number 4 for? How could one "otherwise dispose" of a paper??? I am have considering drinking a box of wine before I fill this thing out and providing humorous answers for the "disposed of otherwise" option. Let's see - I do not have my tax papers because I accidentally dropped them into the monkey exhibit what I was visiting the zoo with my friends. I was camping and forgot to bring a fire starter with me but I did have my inter vivos trust documentation so I used it for kindling. I was testing my new vita mix and accidentally put my will in in. It's nicely shredded. The paper that lists everything else that you might not have requested heretofore, (I kid you not - that's number 31, - produce everything else we have not asked for) got used for taking notes in puppy class and then to clean up a puppy mess in the class. And the list is endless - ENDLESS They want to know ALL Of my employer benefits - everything essentially. There are a total of 46!! documents that I must provide (or account) for within the next 30 days.. so I hope it rains this weekend because it looks like I'll be spending a lot of time working on paperwork. This is going to be so freaking tedious. I'm looking forward to getting it done. Any tips - or hints or ideas from others who have been where I am now?
  14. I sold the fridge through a local buy and sell group on facebook. I think it's a lot "safer" than Craig's list as you can actually check out potential buyers, and because it's limited to a local area it's really efficient. My roommate is being really nice to me letting me keep my couch. I'd like to keep the desk, but there is simply no space. My treadmill folds up so I can keep it in a corner in the garage, but I need to sell the desk and move the couch this week. Eventually, I'd like to buy a small house - I'm thinking that will be my next move. I wish I could keep the desk, for my next place, but it's not worth paying for storing, and I can't fill my girlfriend's house up. So it must go. I'll probably list it today. It'll be better anyway - I can buy new stuff when I get my new house! Still no moving forward on the doctor front. I need to make more calls. I think I'll just call my doctor's office and ask reception for a reference. I'm feeling better though. The weather is beautiful and sunny today and that always helps!
  15. So, I got a bunch of stuff done this weekend - but I might have paid some stupid tax. I had a storage unit that I opened in December when I moved my stuff out of the house. I've been working on cleaning it out. I FINALLY did that yesterday! I rented a small truck from U-Haul - the stupid tax part is that I paid the 14.00 for the "insurance" without thinking that my car insurance would probably have covered it. I didn't think about that at all until I told my friends who had come to help me, and they mentioned that my car insurance would probably have covered it if something happened. It took us less than 1.5 hours - we picked up my couch, a desk, and my treadmill. The storage unit is now completely empty and I closed it - so that saves me 70.00 a month! Super extra bonus - my payment for a new month would have been due today so I had perfect timing! The garage is filled with my couch, the desk (which I'm going to sell) and my treadmill. Somehow I have to recruit some friends to help me get the couch into the basement. I didn't want to push it on Saturday by asking them to do that. It was really hot and I was just happy to have the storage unit closed out. I took Levi to his first puppy class on Saturday morning. That went really well. I think I'm going to learn a lot. (Hopefully he'll learn even more than I do!) It's 120.00 for six weeks. Also - I took him to the vet again - round three out of 4 for shots. It was 130.00. A cool thing I learned though is that through the vet - I get 10 free doggy day care days. I can't take him there for another week though - yesterday he got some sort of "nasal" spray shot and the vet said that I have to wait one week before he can be in the day care. But it's free so on days where I have long meetings I can drop him off in the morning and pick him up in the evening. I sold a small fridge for 50.00 - the couple came and picked it up yesterday. It was a fridge that I bought for Tom for his birthday years ago so he could keep beer in the basement. I distinctly remember picking it out and how excited I was - I even had a co-worker come to me and help me take it home carry it downstairs and fill it with beer. How do you forget your old life?
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