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Everything posted by luchitasmom

  1. I've sold some big items, and I'm still decluttering. Not fast enough though. And we are arguing a lot. I hate the fact that the only time we can be on the same page is if it is HIS page. I even told him I didn't want to be married to him any more, but he talked me into staying.
  2. I gave myself a good talking to, and now I think I am ready to conquer the mess. I have to get the clutter out of my house. Started yesterday moving a bunch of stuff, more to go tomorrow. I need to paint all the rooms (8 rooms and a stairwell), one at a time. I made a list of the rooms from worst to best, and I think that's the order to paint them in. I need to figure out how much paint and primer and stuff to get...thank goodness my sister and my dad are both good at that! I just need to not give up, to do what I need to do to get my house sold at a decent price and move on. I listed my first item of furniture on Letgo and I've already gotten three inquiries about it! Kinda proud of that. I have four more big pieces of furniture to sell, and an outdoor bench and small table. And a car. I own a 1980 Porsche 924 that hasn't run for several years, and I keep asking my DH if we can sell it. Well guess what, you don't keep an asset like that if your house is in foreclosure! And it's in my name. He's spent well more than what that car is worth on things that I can't even talk about! I'm gonna sell so much stuff that the cat will think she's next.
  3. luchitasmom

    Divorce & Downsize

    I'm sorry you have to go through this, even though it may be a positive for you. I think it's ok to at least start doing a little research.
  4. OK, here's today's tasks: Call city and arrange for dumpster. That will come next Wednesday and be there for a week. There is one completely empty room in my house, so today I can start moving stuff from the attic and making sell, donate, and trash piles. Clear off really big items so I can photograph and list them. Look on ebay for pricing. I can do that much.
  5. As of right now, everything except the house is current. All of the kids are grown, so no worries there. I'm not entirely certain that I can manage on my own, but I have been working on a budget to see if I can really do it. I have a full time job, but I don't make a lot of money, and I'm not sure I could find a better one. (I could, however, find a second one!) I did talk to an attorney, several months ago, and the only issue he saw was whether my husband would demand to get back what he put into paying the mortgage. Since I won't own the house any more, that will be a moot point. (It's my house, I owned it prior to marriage, we have no assets in common save a joint checking account.) I am feeling a little more hopeful this morning. Thank you for your kind questions and advice. There is just so much to think about.
  6. So it has been a while since I posted anything, mostly because I was afraid that he would find my entries and read them, even though in reality I know that is very unlikely. Last week, while he (I can't call him DH because he isn't dear to me any more) was out of town on business, I got a letter from the mortgage company that they were going to accelerate into foreclosure (for the FOURTH TIME), a shut off notice for the electric, and a cancellation notice for the car insurance. This is more than I can take. There have been other issues between us and we were struggling to remain a couple as it was, but I can't live like this any more. I accept my part in this; I did not insist on paying the bills together, I let him get away with things that I should not have, and I did not stand up to him to explain anything. I also have a bank account that I hid from him. However, even if we don't divorce, I do not want to live with him right now. I met with a realtor yesterday, one of Dave's ELPs. He was very kind, I explained everything to him, and we looked over the house together. It needs a new roof which we could not qualify for financing for. There's a hole in the living room ceiling. The entire inside needs paint. And there's clutter, junk, STUFF everywhere that's got to go. The kind realtor suggested I call the bank and explain all this to them. So I did; we worked out a solution that will buy me another month to get things in order and get the house listed. I am overwhelmed with the thought of all the painting but my family has all said they will help. Husband will not do any of it, he says, he thinks the realtor is just trying to make more money. I am just so overwhelmed. I need a dumpster to get all the trash out (he has hoarder tendencies). I have stuff I need to sell and I have no idea how much to ask. I need to get the paint and get working on it. And I need to figure out how to tell him I don't want to live with him right now. I just want my life to be honest, above board, budgeted, and less painful. Is that too much to ask?
  7. They did do a urinalysis, and my urine culture came back negative so there's no infection. The EKG was atypical, but most of the bloodwork and the echocardiogram was normal. The KUB was also normal. My back still hurts and my blood sugar is still high, though not as high as it was the day I went to the ER. I might have just come to the end of the usefulness of what I am taking now for my diabetes. Trying to drink lots of water and eat my veggies! momto6, I told my doctor my goal is to not need her any more!
  8. So my BEF is up to $210! Yay! But I have not gotten a counselor, because I am focused right now on something else. I ended up in the ER on Saturday. Super high blood sugar, (453) they said I had a urinary tract infection, sent me home. Went to the follow up with my doctor, she said no UTI, the urine culture came back negative. So...she pokes and prods and reads all the tests and asks me a bunch of questions, and says she needs more tests to rule out kidney stones or a silent heart attack. EEEP! So right now I am just trying to eat as healthy as I can, keep a close eye on my blood sugar, and wait for the tests. Echocardiogram tomorrow and CAT scan on Tuesday. Have already had EKG and KUB xrays, the xrays didn't really show anything abnormal. I feel like crap, though. And now I am going to have more medical bills. Did I mention that I hate having two chronic diseases? LOL.
  9. luchitasmom

    Vacation Chronicles

    LOL! I can't wait to hear the rest of it!
  10. luchitasmom


    I have made a little progress. Tomorrow I will have $202 in my BEF, which makes me feel a little more secure. I'm still tracking down all the debts, and while I was doing that it occurred to me that it won't really be a debt snowball because everything I owe is stuff that is past due. No minimum payments. So I'm just going to tackle them smallest to largest. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I have access now to all the bank accounts. That makes me feel better too. I've been doing some more digging too. Not necessarily happy about what I've found but I have been telling myself to focus on only things that have occurred during our marriage. That keeps my mind calmer and lets me think about where I am going, not where either of us has been. I have my share of faults, but I told him everything long ago. Sometimes I wish I didn't know that he has lied to me so many times, but I can't un-know this so I have to deal with it. I have not found a counselor yet and I really need to do that. I need help sorting this all out. I'm going to work on that today. My DD23 hit the nail right on the head last night. She said, "Mom, you never stand up for yourself." She's right, I don't. I need to learn how.
  11. luchitasmom

    Next steps

    It isn't my income that's limited, it's the way the income is spent. We've not been able to agree on how to spend some of the money. That and he doesn't want me to work a second job.
  12. luchitasmom

    Next steps

    It actually is "my" house. He is not on either the deed or the mortgage. I did, however, accept assistance from the government (Save the Dream) to keep my house from being foreclosed on, and his name is on that paperwork. I have 3.5 years before I would be eligible to sell it without having to pay back that assistance. If I were to find myself single, I would absolutely be able to increase my income. Hmm. One more thing to do this week...make sure I know exactly where all the money in our joint account is going!
  13. luchitasmom

    Next steps

    So, I did a budget with just my income and there is no way I could make ends meet in this house with what I make now. I sort of knew that but seeing it all laid out put any fantasies I had of doing that to rest. Which is ok. I have things I need to do before I would make any kind of life changing decision anyway. My goal for this week is to find some kind of counseling. I need that, to talk all this through. I am also going to list out my debts. Just mine. We don't have any joint debts except two tax bills so I am going to include those. Then I just have to build my EF and pay them!
  14. luchitasmom

    The story

    We are in our 50s, and some of the jail was long ago. I have uncovered as much as I can but there are still pieces that I do not know. I am working, full time, and I could probably make it work on my own. Perhaps that is a good project for me, to do a budget and see if I am right. I woke up this morning still feeling sad, but hopeful too. You have all given me a lot to think about.
  15. luchitasmom

    The story

    When I met my husband in 2006, he was living alone and I was a single parent of 3 (I have four children, the oldest was grown and gone). He told me he was divorced and had two children. We dated for a year and a half before we got married. The kids liked him, he liked them, it was all good. It was a lie full of omissions and half truths. There is way more to the story than this, but here's the short version. He called me at work one day to tell me he was being arrested for child support. From there I discovered: he has five children, not two. He was $32K in arrears. Because he had been in prison. And then homeless. He didn't have a valid drivers license (he had given me another reason why he couldn't drive). I am still not completely sure how many times he has been to prison and what for. So now here we are. In between then and now, I lost my job and he was in a car accident that left him with a neck and brain injury. I found another job finally, making half what I did before. He got a new job making a lot more. We should be able to save plus get all our debts paid off. But he is on the controlling side and he won't do it. The fact that he is funny and charming and his bosses absolutely adore him is negated by the fact that I feel like I have no say in anything. Which isn't entirely true but when I try to stand up for what I want it ends up in a huge fight. I don't know what I am going to do. I come here because even though my life isn't in any way DR approved, it makes me feel happy to know there are people out there who are getting out of debt. I am beyond sad. But I decided today that to the best of my ability, I am going to be gazelle intense. I need to do something that falls in line with MY beliefs. If you've read this far, thank you.
  16. According to the USDA, for the Thrifty Plan, you'd need more than $600 to feed the five of you so I think you are doing an awesome job!
  17. I second what Dorothy said. Don't feel bad if you don't hit it off with the first therapist. You deserve to find a therapist you are comfortable talking to.
  18. Divorce is like a death, only nobody sends flowers. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to work through your emotions. Therapy might help, I'd encourage you to follow up and give the psychiatrist a call. Allow yourself to grieve, then allow yourself to move on. And consider yourself hugged by me, even if it is over the airwaves.
  19. We have that in my house too. I recently gave up eating meat and dairy, and am eating very little oil. With the blessing of my primary care physician and my gastroenterologist, I might add, so nobody says "don't eat that way!" It's made a big difference in how my blood sugar is and how I feel, but DH is not a veggie fan and doesn't want to eat anything remotely healthy. I would never ask him to give up what he loves...I just wish he would make better choices and maybe not eat an entire block of cheese and a bag of pretzels at one sitting.
  20. This is just to make you laugh, ok? For the wine you could always go with 2 buck Chuck. Seriously, you will be in my prayers. I hate change and I can only imagine what you are going through!
  21. That's awesome! So glad to hear that!
  22. luchitasmom


    I had to laugh at the floor tile on the counters! Years ago, I lived in an apartment with blue shag carpeting on the kitchen counters. I kid you not...and that was a BEAR to keep clean!
  23. ^^What she said! I don't know about all states, but where I live there is a thing called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) where a financial analyst actually looks at the accounts to make the determination of who gets how much of what. That takes the two people getting divorced totally out of the equation, and makes it fair. You deserve that!
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