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esg

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esg last won the day on October 25 2015

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  1. esg

    We got a van!

    I started up having pain days last week and didn't finish with the last post. I'll go back to those questions. This past weekend, though, we were blessed with a van. I had been searching for a small car but ended up seeing a van with a great report, all the service records over the years and so I called to check on it. The owner was wonderful. She and I had a nice chat on the phone and I mentioned that it was just me and my son (I can't remember what we were talking about) and then on Saturday when we met her, she had knocked nearly $800 off the asking price! She said she likes to help and I can hardly believe it. More than that, she was just a wonderful person and I didn't realize it but we ended up spending an hour and a half and it felt like the easiest thing in the world to do. I felt really good about the whole thing and every time I go outside, I still do. It is almost perfect on the inside and very well taken care of otherwise. I've been told that twice in the last week (getting estimates and free checkups). It has small issues like needs back brakes soon and a ding on the side and the windshield (all told beforehand) but these aren't even issues really. The brakes are coming due and will be done but the rest is minor. It's all registered and ready now. Because it's a van, we can get the majority of our stuff in one go. We haven't left yet. I'm tying up lose ends and working out the other end a little better. We've been out of the house getting things done a good bit this week and tonight I'm going through and packing away stuff and setting up our timeline. I'm very happy with it. I don't think it could have worked out better than this. I'm having some pains tonight so this wont be long but it's coming together pretty well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have some nerves at play. I get really nervous thinking about how this will go. Every once in a while I stop and wonder if it's really that bad and maybe I'm not being kind enough by not giving money (and believe me my mother has been dropping hints) or not forgiving enough with the older sister and then I'm reminded that yeah it is that bad and no I need to make sure to take care of us and yes, she is that rude to me and I definitely need space to not continue to be resentful and give too much. I have to have something left for us. So I'm working on it. Having the van feels really good. J cheers everytime he sees it. He asked if my sister would have to take it to work and I can't even tell you how glad I was to say that she would not be driving it. Not that we have it, I'm looking forward to moving on and can see us coming back to family on holidays and some birthdays like this weekend but other than that, we'll be doing our own thing. I really hope it lasts once it starts.
  2. esg

    I saw it coming - rant warning

    Momto6, thank you. I can't get over feeling stuck but that did remind me that my son increasingly unhappy and I don't want that for him. It's not a good situation. I had stopped bringing her to work to help my own physical pains. It's a lot worse sitting in the car on some days and funny enough that reminded me of telling my mother that and having it passed over. Or telling her I was tired of this and having her treat me like the irresponsible one. Like I don't want to help family. This is really not going to get any better and I am making myself sick. I'm in more pain today than I need to be. I'll work out a faster plan.
  3. esg

    I saw it coming - rant warning

    I'm 29. Right now, I really need to figure out the car situation. I'm planning to get us to where our land is which is three hours away. I don't trust my car to make that trek and I don't know the mechanics there well enough yet in case something happens. I dont think it will fall apart right then and there but I dont want to risk it so thats number one. I will be researching mechanics there but still looking for a car. I'm not doing anything with IVF at the moment. My concern is diminishing fertility but I'm not doing anything yet. If I wanted, I could get a more expensive car, pay on some of my debt and have the base amount for IVF and some for living expenses but since I'm still pricing and budgeting and working things out for leaving, I'm not sure what I'm going to do (but not all that). That's kind of why I haven't done anything. I could go a few different ways. My priority is figuring out the car and leaving so until I have that straight, I'm not doing anything. My BS1 isn't counted in this so it won't be touched. With it counted I have $11,000 in my accounts. Still figuring out costs.
  4. esg

    I saw it coming - rant warning

    Plinda- yes I know, boundary issues. I am reading the book. Kelvan- she was here and saw the paperwork. She told my older sister without me knowing. I'm not sure I'll sell the car to them. I haven't made any plans yet. The problem is that I know my mother will badmouth me in front of the family. Probably for this money too but it would end up a sob story about leaving no car. I would prefer not to lose the rest of my family but I don't know how to combat that. I don't want to give the car at all but at this point, I do want to just walk away with the least amount of her crap to deal with. My BS1 is funded and I have budgeted for some of my BS2. I just haven't done it yet. I would not be buying a new car. The money that would go into this car is going to be put into a newer year cash car. I had this one checked for repairs a couple months ago. I don't think I'll respond because it would be tit for tat forever. BigDog, it's one of my biggest issues. I know I need to but I'm having a hard time doing it. She has always done the hurt puppy/we need to take care of family thing. It's not the easiest thing to get from under. GreatLakesGirl, I know you're right. Harsh is good cause I'm having such a hard time with this. I have the hardest time with guilt and it's what keeps me here. I think she knows that so it feels like she's playing on it. Taylorcpa, I'm not going to respond. I thought about it last night but I'm going to pretend I never got it at the least. I am working on leaving. Just isn't going to happen that quickly. Thanks Germaine. We may be moving 3 hours away so definitely changing everything. I just need to settle some things. Allie, yes I know it's about choices. Only thing is, when it's my mother it's not always made to feel like choices. There are a ton of guilt trips on a regular basis so it should be easy to say well I'll choose not to do this but it isnt that easy. It's not easy to see what's real and where they actually need help and what's manipulation. I think the email makes it plain for me now where conversations with all her emotion don't and it ends up being harder. The frustration is in knowing that it really isn't right but seeing that it just isn't something I can easily stop (and I mean the guilt on my part as what I can't stop).
  5. You're probably sick of reading my family rants so if you don't want to see me upset or hear about my mother you may want to pass this. I'm hoping in a year I can look back and be in a better place than this but I have to put my thoughts somewhere. I got an email from my mother today entitled "What are your plans" It started off fine with this whole "I'm writing just to you cause people don't listen when you talk" thing and quickly turned into how when she gets money the first thing she does is share it. She goes on to say that if she were me she would give money for being here (but doesn't mention all the times that I have with no problem or that I just paid on things or that I gave her a small amount for a bill that she has to pay). Then she mentions that I basically abandoned them when I moved from the house into my own apartment (but said nothing about the water bill they left behind when they left the house or that they were moving with my aunt who didn't have space for my son and I). She talked about how she did so much for the lawsuit against the mortgage company and how they wouldn't have my information if she hadn't (even though it's the mortgage company's records that was used against them). She wants me to give my older sister money "cause she kept us afloat when she could" yet doesn't even acknowledge that my sister goes out of her way to ignore me. I could be sitting in the room and she'll make it a point to call one of them to talk to when she sees me and when she does talk to me it's to tell me about my bad parenting, my inability to do all kinds of things or complain about the food that I buy (I'm the main one to grocery shop besides my younger sister who doesn't do it enough for regular meals). I don't say anything to her so it's not like I'm amping her up but she wants me to give her money with that attitude? The one person that has made the house walk on eggshells for years? Who continuously tells me to leave cause I'm not helping out yet she wont let her car be used or put in for her full share of the rent? I once told her that I didn't like my son having coffee drinks or chocolate. He was under two. She made it a point to give them anyway so I would look like the bad guy taking them away. Then she would make comments to him, like she does now, that I'm a bad mother for not letting him have/do something so he has said it to me before. She does those kinds of things when I don't want my son to say or do certain things. My mother wants me to give her money cause she was helpful three years ago. On top of that she wants me to continue to sue because she thinks they can remove it from my credit and put money in my account. Nevermind that I've already tried and it stressed me out so bad. I'm really done with this whole "get more money" thing. "And sure, using the car is appreciated, but you know." That's all she said about that. That's it. We've been doing this since June and that was her words on that. We're without the car 3pm - 2am and whenever my sister has to work a second job which makes it noon to 2am now. Nevermind that my son is ready to go or that I still have to deal with being told I have a time limit every time I want to leave the house. Yes, every time I want to leave the house I'm rushed and told that I don't have much time. Show them some gratitude and "don’t make your sisters not want to be bothered with you". I'm not sure I want to be bothered if this is what it means to deal with people. I'm not selfish. I'm more than okay helping and most of the time its to a fault. I know that but one thing I'm not is selfish. I have never acted like they couldn't ask me for something. I do budget ahead of time and I don't like surprise expenses but to act like I'm being selfish because I'm not giving out money? I cannot stand to be around her right now yet its just us three here all day. She sent the email yesterday and it was in my junk mail so I didn't see it until today. I wrote out a response but I'm not sure I'll send it. I don't want to talk to her at all and I really don't feel like going back and forth over email because chances are she's already sharing or planning to share the email anyway. I don't believe she would even keep it to herself because she never does. I just want to get my car taken care of and leave. Part of me is okay to not deal with her anymore because it always leaves me wondering if it's me that's the problem or something she's doing and I'd rather not have that to deal with. I'd rather be clear on things. When I mess up, I mess up. I don't need other people throwing in their mess too. As for the money, I haven't splurged on anything. I still have the majority of it sitting in my savings account. I paid on any passed due bills (including family bills), bought some groceries, some earphones for myself and bought my son an educational game and three little monster trucks. Not even $60 total for both us. How sad is that? He loves them and he's happy and that's what counts but it's sad that I'm getting an email basically calling me selfish for not even doing anything yet. I haven't even said anything about it or made plans for it (even though I do have budget scenarios). I know for a fact that if it were my sisters they would have spent a good bit of it already and that's fine but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't get any emails. She knows I'm not even spending it like crazy. It hasn't even been half a week with it in my account and not even two days from it being in my account that I get the email. It's like one big guilt trip to start handing out money. So basically in this family, if someone helps you out at all you have to pay them back when you get any money because they apparently will bring up every instance in the last three to five years where they did something for you. Except she only considers it helping when it's not them living in my house or using my car or eating the groceries they don't help me pay for (and I've never once asked them for anything back even though I'm so tempted now). So I guess I need to know if I should figure out an amount and give it to the three of them and leave. Knowing my mother, it will never be enough but still. And another minor thing I'm sick of - I'm tired of her mentioning things my son can't do or have because he's a boy. Frozen? Who cares. He can like whatever he wants. I'm so sick of this I'm giving myself a migraine.
  6. I'm not taking care of the car after this if it does go to them. It's been her driving it more than me anyway so she would be responsible for it. I would be done with it same as if I sold it to a stranger. I'd rather get something else. I'm sure it could go a while longer with money put into it (it's 14 years old) but putting money into it would be about the same as buying the cash car which is what I prefer to move on and do. I'm looking at a newer year that can go another 5-10 years without a doubt. 10 preferably. We leave once I have my car taken care of.
  7. I like to look at the sales papers but when I opened them the other day there was a letter from a consumer protection bureau that was talking about a check. Turns out, the mortgage company was sued by a federal company last year for their unfair practices and my part came today. I can't even believe it. I had plans to work on re-funding my emergency fund in a week and to pay on some bills with money coming in then but now I can pay bills, I can buy a new (to me) car after mine literally started falling apart this weekend. I can actually write out the things that need to be taken care of and work towards them faster. I spent a good deal of time googling, calling, researching and trying to make sure it's a real company. The lawsuit, the information, everything is right there. I think I'm going to go ahead and get excited. I keep thinking about how much my heart hurt after that loss of the house and how much I still feel like I failed sometimes. Foreclosure is so hard. I loved that house while I had it and I know my son loved it too. I still hate to talk about any part of it but at least tonight I can go to sleep thinking about being able to get us into a car, setting up some future things, taking care of debts, taking care of my son. I'm thanking God even though I'm so nervous about it. Nervous because money doesn't last forever. I'm not one to splurge but I still want to spend it the best way. (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to get my son something small though) I need to decide first on what to do with my current car. I'm thinking of giving it to my sister and mom but I haven't worked out whether I'll sell it to them or just It give it. I'm honestly just tired of sharing at this point but I do think there should be something given back to me after spending months without my car to use as I wanted and with another sister who has started being even worse than before - and still no help. Then I start to feel greedy. I was sharing because it was needed but then it got to the point where it was expected and not a choice and that made it worse. She told me she'll have to get a second morning job and said she would be taking the car all day. Thank God that wont be the case because I can't do it. It's a major blessing to be getting out this stage but how to end it, I'm not yet sure. I can already sense the backlash from my mother at the mention of any form of payment for the car. She has already told me twice to sue this company again after getting this check. It said that I still could but I have no interest in that yet she keeps acting disappointed when I say no as if I'm passing a blessing (her words basically). I think God answered a prayer when I needed it with this check and the car. I don't want to be greedy. This feels like a stepping stone rather than a path to more money. Dealing with that company was horrible and I don't want to go back. So anyway. I have another day to get my priorities in line, one more day before I can surprise my son with something and one more day before I take care of business.
  8. esg

    It's been over a year since

    Right Mimi but instead of freezing just the eggs they'll be fertilized first. I'm infertile already so IVF is it for me but we're not sure why I seem to be in more of a decline now so yes very much like an embryo emergency fund lol.
  9. esg

    It's been over a year since

    I'm not sure what you don't get. We're in an apartment right now. We traveled before like we wanted and plan to again but we're back here in town while we work out the car situation. I work online. We don't have public assitance besides his health care since they wont allow him on private insurance (because he qualifies for state). My current decisions are doing very well for us. I like them very much. Without them we'd be further into public assistance instead of off of it now. We'd be without savings for our car, without land and without longterm goals. I think you're looking at these as all happening in the short term. If it was short term I'd be struggling to put more away sooner. This is all the plan for the next five years or so. IVF is at least a year away and because it is a cheaper clinic than my previous, it's not costing me an arm and a leg to save for it. Homebuilding is further away and not at all an immediate goal. We have land that allows for a trailer which has been priced and is not expensive (I have a friend who rebuilds and sells for a living) and that doesn't stretch our budget. That is more immediate than homebuilding and what we want more at the moment. Homeschooling like traveling (and most things) is as expensive as you make it which I don't on either accounts. I've been homeschooling for a couple years now. It does not take a lot of money. Some people prefer expensive curriculums but I have a four year old and it's not necessary for us. It may look like we're putting aside in all directions but we're saving for our car, putting small amounts aside for IVF and the trailer. We have our areas of focus and budget for the next year or so and then once we have those we work towards the others.
  10. esg

    It's been over a year since

    Thanks Dorothy. I considered that again recently but we went through a similar fostering situation years ago. The adoption didn't happen at the last minute after a couple years and it was incredibly hard. I don't have it in me to go that route again especially not with my son here now. I have a plan for adoption in the future though but it will be quite some time before I pursue it.
  11. esg

    It's been over a year since

    Clever Username, it may sound like a lot but I actually only worry about working and homeschooling. Even the car situation doesn't stress me as there is plan in the works and out already. New baby trying is actually just putting money into savings for the next year plus not any actions beyond that. Nicolegrey, while housing is treated as primary, saving for that child does have to take place in the now or else the procedure wont happen even a year plus from now as planned. It's not the baby I'm saving for, it's the IVF and that doesn't take away from the primary goal. We are as settled/home as we want to be at the moment.
  12. esg

    It's been over a year since

    GreatLakesGirl, no. Essentially I've run out of time due to a reproductive illness so I'm planning IVF in a year plus so that I can save what I have left. That's not to say I'll go through a transfer/try for a pregnancy at the end (we'll see how everything looks in a year or so - it's longterm not shortterm) just that I'm at the point where I do need to get that ball rolling. Plinda, working on the go simply means that I only need my computer. Portable or mobile job you could say. That's how we left before. IVF is something I have to save for so it's not happening right now but it is being worked towards right now because that is now my only option as far as children goes. It will just take me a while to get to that point. My first child was the result of a fertilty cycle too. Not an ex or anything like that. Allie, we're still discussing it. The plan would be that she would pay me as she uses it and that would go towards my car. It wouldn't be me giving her the car and then expecting the money afterward. At the end, she would keep it and I would have my car. We're still working out how she can get to a point where she can afford that. At the moment, she is paying the majority of the bills for my mom and sister (as I once was) so I'm not pushing too much on her knowing how that was. That's not to say that I'm not putting in stipulations just that I'm not yet to the cut and dry stage. We're working on it though. There is a timeline in mind for me to end this and everything but we're not there yet. Clever Username - I am not married. I'm very much single and very much plan to stay that way for the time being. I have one son. He is homeschooled and will stay that way for a while. At the moment we are not traveling, we're in the town where we started. We traveled for a month plus at the end of last year to my hometown and came back after the death of my grandmother. We're here but don't intend to stay here. It costs her around that much if she uses a taxi or Uber for the ride there and back. If she takes my car, it's gas and upkeep so not nearly that much. She did say that her current boss is working out something for her closer to here but that was only last week and hasn't happened yet. We're still working out her buying my car so soon enough she may be paying towards that.
  13. esg

    It's been over a year since

    Thank you both. It's a tough situation. She does say that she'll Uber her way to work if I need my car but then she ends up paying nearly $100 a day to get that far and back which then means she can't pay bills as she's handling most of them herself. We've talked about her buying my car from me but she can't right now so I'm saving for my own and then later she'll start paying me for this one. At least that's currently the plan. While I work on that, I do make sure to assert myself and keep some time where we have our car and she has to work it out. It's not often as I know she's stretched but I do try to talk to my mom or older sister about the other car and my sister not contributing as much as needed so maybe that will help without money being lost. So, trying to balance being helpful, being assertive and not being walked on.
  14. I lost my login information along with the site bookmark so I haven't logged in in quite a while. I read over my last blog post and I wish I could say a lot has changed. A lot has but a lot has not. What has not? - My mother. She is still very much into telling people what to do and it extends into other family members as well. She is still herself in all the same ways. - My sister M and the driving. That was different and then they lost their car in the most recent flood. Since my older sister refuses to share or let her car be taken, mine is being used while I'm still in town. It's a mess. I'm not driving this time, she is, but I end up without a car nearly 12 hours a day if she doesn't work mornings too. - My sister K. M works three jobs because K doesn't contribute enough to the shared situation which is why my car is gone so often. She hasn't changed a bit. What has? I have. My son and I stayed in our apartment for nearly a year. At the end, we sold some things, packed up other things and left to travel. It wasn't my best decision on the spur of the moment but it was the best decision. I ended up with an infertility diagnosis which I think spurred it too. I also stopped wanting to spend $600+ on rent (not that I could afford it well in the end anyway) and not being able to put money where I need it. We stayed in my hometown as our first stop and got to spend over a month exploring and staying with my grandmother. She ended up dying at the tail end of our visit so even though that was the worst thing, it worked out as the best thing. My son got to know her and I got confident in my ability to say what I did and didn't want to do. After her funeral, my son didn't take it well and we ended up staying in town. Then we got stuck longer and longer and here we are working our way out again. The good thing is - My goal was to leave and work on the go so I could save up which has been okay. The longterm plan was to save for IVF, land and then to be able to build something tiny on it. We got our land at the tail end of last month! It's in a historic town with lots to do and it's about four hours away from here. We have a lot to do with that but our main priority now is saving up for a better cash car and getting back on the road (more likely staying closer to the land) so we can continue to chop down our debt and prep our land. It will be a while longer until a trailer first then a small house is on it mortgage free but eventually we'll have a place of our own. My mother asked about building something else on it for her and I felt confident enough to say no. I can help her find land but I cannot help her with mine. I'm finally feeling like, although I have this current car mess to get out of, I'm making a better plan for us that includes a little distance, work that I like and can do anywhere and some travel and learning for my son. I'm hoping not to lose any of my login information again.
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