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miranova last won the day on February 18 2021

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About miranova

  • Birthday August 10

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  1. He's been deemed essential. I'm riding a roller coaster that I want off of. Every day is a new worry it seems!
  2. Florida is finally shutting down. We don't know yet whether my husband's job is considered essential. They have a roomy facility and everyone is way more than 6 feet apart. But if they are classified non essential they have to shut down anyway. This is the worst possible scenario for my family. I'm not mad, and I don't think it's the wrong decision per se, because they can't really visit facilities on a case by case basis to make these determinations. I'm just actually worried for our financial future for the first time. I was prepared to handle a paycut but not his entire paycheck gone.
  3. People are complaining about a bit more than sitting on a couch. People are losing their jobs and their livelihoods.
  4. Happy Birthday Miranova!

  5. miranova

    Divorce & Downsize

    The only good thing about my divorce process was that neither one of us cleaned out the accounts behind the other's back. If he had done that, it would have been all out war. Both of our attorneys told us to do it, and somehow we both knew not to. I'm not saying keep your account together but if you do split them, be 100% honest and upfront about it. Talk to him and do it together. I've seen countless friendly divorces turn very VERY ugly as soon as someone closes the bank account.
  6. miranova

    Divorce & Downsize

    I'm sorry for what you are going through. Since he is the one moving out, I think you should stay put for 6 months until things settle down, and then decide what to do. Don't make too many big decisions all at once. It may seem like too big of a house, but realtor fees aren't cheap. It might be best to stay put. Then again maybe not...just give it some time.
  7. Thanks Meredith. For some reason your statement: "It's hard to understand why all people don't feel the same sense of responsibility toward their children." has really helped me tonight. I am proud of taking care of my children. All of them. She is the one missing out. Sometimes I just need to vent. I can't talk about this to anyone in real life since I'm supposed to be the better person and all that junk. I'm over it, for now. Thanks for bearing with me.
  8. I appreciate your thoughts but I may not have been clear. We will not sue for full custody, we have no grounds to do so. The children are not being abused or neglected, which would be the only way any judge would consider terminating her rights. When I said I would adopt them, I meant it, but I know it is a pipe dream because it would require her to voluntarily give up her rights which I don't see happening realistically. To your other questions. We are responsible for our percentage of aftercare, and she is responsible for hers. On paper. As you know, people don't always abide by things that they are ordered to do in papers. So in theory it's not our business, in reality it will become our business if they no longer allow us to drop the kids off when we need to work. For the orthodontist. She is responsible for her percentage of medical costs and we are responsible for ours. On Paper. The orthodontist was kind enough to make two contracts, charge us our percentage, and charge her her percentage. However, there is still a clause that we both signed saying if one party defaults then treatment will stop. There is no way to get around that. So in theory her overdue bill is not our business, but in reality it will be, when they stop treatment. Hot lunch calls we ignore after telling them a few times it isn't our bill. Easy to do when they are mostly automated. Doesn't mean we can't get frustrated when we get them. We have sent her a bill for what she owes TO US at least half a dozen times since June. She is very good at ignoring them. As of right now, we have not paid her portion of the medical and aftercare YET. If we have to, then we will of course bill her for that too. And we will take her to small claims court when it becomes too large an amount to ignore. We can't sue her for the sports and activities because no parent is legally obligated to provide those things. That doesn't mean it's never frustrating to know she happily allows us to provide her children with opportunities that she won't pay for. Her not paying debts, even thousands in debt, will NOT cause her to lose her parenting rights. It simply is not even within the realm of possibility so that's not a thought we entertain. I am aware I can't change her, hence this is a vent. I was not expecting any magic solutions, there aren't any. If I did ever lose my temper with her it certainly wouldn't be because I felt it would help, it would just be because I momentarily couldn't take it anymore. But hopefully I'll be able to avoid doing that. I'm not perfect but I at least know that I have been nothing but friendly to her to her face, and that's all the kids see. I know the money is gone. It is just more frustrating lately because as they get older their expenses exponentially increase and she will be legally responsible for none of them. I know, we aren't LEGALLY required to pay for any college either, but we will in order to keep things fair for all the kids. We don't "do" his and hers. They are OUR kids and whatever some of them get, the others will as well. I will have more help from my ex with my kids's college which is nice for us, but it means we do feel an obligation to pay both halves for his kids's expenses when the college time comes.....of course I hope it goes without saying that they will all work for scholarships etc and keep expenses as low as possible but nothing is free.
  9. We are not opposed to taking her to court. If for no other reason than to send her a message that we aren't suckers and won't be her ATM, at least not without consequence. We are comfortable filing all paperwork with no attorney so it may happen if she flat out won't pay what she owes us from June and will definitely happen if we have to pay the orthodontist bill or aftercare bill. I don't care if it's not collectible; I'm just not the kind of person who is going to be taken advantage of without putting up a fight. At the very least, she needs to be inconvenienced slightly. We aren't quite there yet, but we may get there soon.
  10. To be fair, her family doesn't contact Dh anymore, but they used to. Katrina, I can identify with the clothes. I sort of flipped out a couple of weeks ago when the 10 year olds came over in size 6 clothes. I am reaching a point where my 6 years of silence in order to get along with her is going to boil over and I'm afraid I'm going to really lay into her one day.
  11. Yes some accountability would be nice. We don't need an itemized statement or anything because that's not practical. We would be happy if she simply paid her share of the kids bills. What's going to happen is that she will be behind on the aftercare for the rest of this year and then she will stiff them. It's 5th grade so this is their last year there so she won't care that she has a balance at the end of the year. She will simply stiff them like she did their preschool years ago. She has no shame. She is one of those people who thinks that if someone makes more money than her, they should pay her bills. So it's not enough that she gets child support from us, she still thinks we should pay for everything on top of that because our household income is higher than hers. Her family has written us emails calling us greedy and selfish for expecting her to pay her portion of medical and childcare. As if we are somehow profiting from her payments to these providers.
  12. She is their mom. Kids will always love their mom. I do think they love me in a different way and I know they appreciate me. They do thank me for things a lot. And I know when they are older they will remember that I was the one who took them to appointments and parent teacher conferences and made sure they were involved in activities. But kids always love their real mom no matter what. And if was a 3rd party observer with no knowledge of her taking our money and spending it on herself, I'd probably think she was a nice person. She's friendly. But I know too much.
  13. We've joked about that idea before! One time she said she was going to move out of the country (without the kids because she cant take them) and dh reminded her that she would lose child support so she didn't go. That should tell you all you need to know about her. And yes we wish we wouldn't have tipped her off but at the time we thought the children would be devastated by her abondoning them so we were trying to get her to not leave them.
  14. I can not post this anywhere where anyone knows me because it would not go over well, but I am fed up with Dh's ex. She gets almost $800 a month in child support and isn't paying the kids's bills. She is 4 months overdue on her share of the orthodontist bill (her share is only $32 a month, ours is more). The school calls us almost daily about the kids overdue lunch accounts (we have them pack so that is ALL her) and she is overdue on their aftercare as well. None of this would be overly horrible if it wasn't for the fact that she and her boyfriend just went on a 10 day vacation without the kids. Trust me when I tell you, the courts don't care. We owe the money no matter what, no matter what she spends it on. If we end up having to pay the orthodontist, our only recourse is to sue her. We are legally unable to deduct any of it from child support. She also owes us several hundred dollars from a school trip from JUNE. She pays for NO activities for the kids because she simply won't take them. So if we want them to do anything, we take them and we pay. Hundreds if not thousands over the years that she hasn't paid a dime of. Cars and phones and college for the kids? Forget it, she will never pay a dime and we know it. I am having a hard time just letting this go. I have never resented child support being paid to her, but when she doesn't use it to pay the kids's bills and they call ME back to the back of the orthodontist office to tell me they are about to stop his treatment over a payment that is about 4% of what we give her every month, I feel pure rage. This is immoral. It is theft, period. If I could adopt the kids, I would but she would never allow it because she would lose the money. And there is nothing we can do about it.
  15. miranova


    Ah, gotcha. Restarting them after BS3 makes sense.
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