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Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/05/2011 in Blog Comments

  1. Darlin' - you gotta relax. When I was 17 years old I went in to a local military hospital for an army physical because I was trying to go to Westpoint. Some of the tests came in funny so they ran a few more tests. At 4 o'clock they told me to call my parents to bring me an overnight bag and to get to the hospital ASAP. I was going to be their first surgery in the morning and everyone else was bumped. I asked why I couldn't just go home and make an appointment with my doctor. Nope. My ovarian cancer was too far along. This was an emergency. (My parents handled it very calmly. I didn't realize at the time that my dad had locked himself in the bathroom that evening and cried.) I was medically disqualified from joining the Army so that dream was gone. I spent the last half of my senior year of high school and that summer doing chemo and being sick and bald! I would never have children that were biologically my own. I didn't know if I'd even get to start college in the fall because I might still be doing chemo. I was sad and scared. At the time I wouldn't have thought my life was moving in a happy direction. I'm now 33. I've got two great children - neither are biologically mine - but I don't care a bit. I think they're better than my genetics could have produced! I got my engineering degree and now I own my own company. I love what I do even if I'm not a military engineer. Just because life doesn't give you what you think you deserve doesn't mean it isn't going to turn awesome anytime! Don't get discouraged. ((HUGS))
    18 points
  2. To answer your questions: not all families are like this. You always have options. Here are a couple: 1. Start using the Internet at your local public library. Stay away from your aunt's house. 2. While online, look up the schedule for the local bus system and the routes and times your sister would need to get to school and back. 3. Print out the schedule and give it to her. 4. Stay home. 5. Learn that "No" is a complete sentence and start saying it when other people assume you will do what they want.
    18 points
  3. Ok, it's a pet peeve, I'll admit it but the "I have no choice" stuff is just a victim mentality and is not helping you. You are allowing yourself to be treated this way and then claiming that you have no options. This is simply untrue and until you see that, nothing will ever change. You can say no. You don't even have to respond to the text message at all. Why should your mother inform you that your older sister is out of town? I don't see why you even need to know. It's your sister's job to ask for a ride if she wants one, not your mother's. You guys are so entrenched in these roles that you can't even see it objectively right now. Your sister is an adult. Adults take responsibility for their own transportation and if their first plan falls through, they are responsible for finding a 2nd plan. Your mother is not responsible for coordinating her adult daughter's transportation. Neither are you. You are NOT "stuck there". You are choosing to take your sister to school. I guarantee you, if you say no a few days in a row and STICK TO IT, she will find a way. At the very minimum, she should be staying at YOUR house for the week if she wants a ride. When I read your comment where you said she "doesn't want to" stay at your house my head was spinning. Why are you allowing yourself to be majorly inconvenienced by her whims? If she doesn't want to stay at your house, then she doesn't want a ride. Stand up for yourself! And to answer your question, no, this is NOT normal. It's just your normal right now, because they have learned that you will do whatever they expect.
    16 points
  4. 11/16: Tonight I was sorting through my fabric stash to find some fabric to make my girls their Christmas night gowns. I however stumbled onto something amazing. I found a bag that contained a pattern and the pieces for 2 night gowns already cut out by my grandmother. Kicker is they were labeled with my mother's name and were from the 1970's. So this year for Christmas my girls are going to be wearing nightgowns that were cut out by their great-grandmother, intended for their grandmother, and sewn by their mother. I am not gonna lie I started crying when I realized what I was holding.
    15 points
  5. Mimi, this is the first thing I would do today - first thing first, I'd hand him the phone and tell him to man up and call his therapist IMMEDIATELY. You guys are paying $500/mo out of pocket for therapy for him. The therapist can help YOU out here, too. Make sure you are sitting in the room. Then, pick up the phone and tell the therapist EXACTLY where this leaves you guys financially. I mean, be as blunt as you possibly can. That you don't even have enough to pay for groceries this month. That you don't have enough to buy your kids bathing suits or shoes but your husband thinks THAT Is okay and he can STILL spend what he wants when he wants. Second, tell your husband that THIS is where the buck stops. You want to know by the end of the day EVERY DOLLAR he spent. EVERY dollar needs to be accounted for and you want to know exactly what was purchased, the sites, etc. He should be able to go back through the site history and figure out where it was spent. Then, as soon as his "Stuff" arrives, he takes EVERY ITEM back. EVERY SINGLE One. HE does the march of shame into the store - the physical store - and returns EVERY SINGLE item. If its from a place like Amazon, HE goes to the post office and returns it OR he cancels the order immediately, NOW, before it ships. HE cleans it up NOW! You need to be blunt, you need to be direct and you need to be straight with him - he is robbing food out of your children's mouths EVERY time he does this. You guys can not afford basics for the kids, yet he selfishly (and be blunt, direct and as honest, even if it is not kind as you have to be) spends money on himself, his pleasure and his wants ALL WHILE HE CAN NOT AFFORD TO CLOTHES HIS OWN CHILDREN OR PUT FOOD IN THEIR MOUTHS. He is ruining his family and sabotaging your marriage and its time to just be frank. You are DONE DONE DONE propping up his childish behavior. Every time he does this, it feels in your heart like he is having a physical affair and you can not live with someone who has so little regard for your needs, your feelings and the sanctity of your marriage that they would willingly and deliberately hurt you again and again and again this way. Cancel the family vacation down to visit his family - make HIM call HIS family and explain why it is being canceled - you guys do not have the money to go because he has a spending addiction that has left you guys in a bad spot. He needs to feel the embarrassment over what he has caused. He needs to feel some real and tangible shame over this. He needs to start acknowledging his issue publicly or he will not change and you will end up right back in this spot again and again and again. His type of addiction can be hidden which makes it SO much harder on you, his spouse. Until he is somewhat public about it with the accountability that comes with that, he will not change. Take today to grieve. Take $2, go to a local coffee house by yourself and have a good cry in the car and then have an iced tea by yourself, away from the kids, where you can think. Leave him with the 6 kids for a few hours and if the kids ask why, tell them straight up that Daddy screwed up and Mommy is VERY VERY sad and needs some space to make some decisions about the family. Then take time for yourself to process this and start making some decisions about what you need and what that looks like. And, Amy, call your Pastor and set up a counseling appointment for you. You deserve support - real and tangible support to deal with this.
    14 points
  6. There should be sleep away camp for adult women. Crafts, canoeing, and cocktails on the lake at sunset.
    13 points
  7. Some responses: I recognize that it is a huge change - one person on a cruise board that retired a few years ago used the phrase "hero to zero in minutes" and it is true. So, I planned to have something to look forward to. I e-mailed a friend that moved to New Orleans to see if she might be in town during the first half of August and she was already planning a trip for Aug 2 - 4. So, we are doing an afternoon / evening card game on Saturday. My house is a total disaster, but another friend said we could use her house so that takes the pressure off. I invited 6 and I think they might all come? Then on Sunday evening, I invited friends to have dinner with me at a restaurant which does family style italian. I reserved the big round table which seats 12 to 16. I invited 10 adults, 3 children and a baby. I think they are all coming. I scheduled them both the first weekend because that is when K will be here, but realize that I could have a big "let down" the following week . . . My friends from Panama arrive today, but I might not see them until after the 31st. They will be here until the end of August. They might stay with me part of the time (or stay at my house when I am out of town for several days during the last half of August). But, if they stay with me the first part of August - or even looking forward to them coming a bit later - that will give me something to look forward to. My August trip is to visit my step-mom in TN so not something that builds a lot of anticipation. However, I will be continuing to plan for my Sept / Oct Panama Canal cruise so that will help What will I do with my first day? Well, my house is a disaster, including the guest room still has a tarp on the bed and a plastic pool & wire fencing from when the chicks were babies, etc. And either Kathy or my Panama friends might come to stay at my house as early as Saturday - YIKES - So, my first day I am cleaning out the guest room!! Also probably my first morning trip to the Y (after I join). The rest of the house needs straightening, dusting, sweeping, etc. Tips on sticking to budget? Hmmm . . . not sure what I have to offer. I am blessed with a large shovel so that helps. Keep in mind that everything you do is a choice . . . so if you choose the dessert out, you are choosing NOT to save that for retirement or pay down the credit card or save for a vacation or xxx. Also, it is one thing to track your spending, it is another thing to give everything a name ahead of time and make it ONLY go for that unless it is a very conscious decision to move it from a particular category to another one. Annie, there are parts of my job that I really like and will miss. However, it is a stressful job (hence the big shovel) and there are constant changes at work. However, for me, the driving force isn't that I don't like my job, but that my job keeps me from being able to do things that are more important (or at least that I want to do more). Hmmm . . . kind of like the conscious decision on how to spend money . . . I want to be able to do things like help others, ride my horse, take care of myself (exercise, eat right, etc) and my house, etc. I've had a very hard time doing these things while working.
    12 points
  8. We just paid a debt off! Cash is on it's way to the bank! I am so excited! Like losing my mind excited!
    12 points
  9. but on a brighter note, I finally after tons of false starts and promising leads have a year round full time hand on site. I am so grateful especially since at six months pregnant some of the chores are becoming a bit more difficult now . It's Jakob, he worked with us all summer, went home prayed about it and then decided to ask if he can apply. He is also courting our friend's daughter so he is quite happy to be back. I don't think the letter writing was cutting it. I am so pleased, he is a great worker, and a total crack up! Adds some spunk to he winter months. He is all moved into Nathanial's old apartment and he started today. eases the chores off myself and the uncles on days when Matt is working.
    12 points
  10. He might have found two jobs actually! He has an interview Thursday night for a possible overnight shift position at Toys R Us. He would need to schedule the two jobs in such a way that he makes sure he can sleep every day due to his meds but they are both part time and should mesh together all right. We are probably going to lose food stamps but I would much rather be able to buy my own food!
    12 points
  11. Funny thing really, paying cash for a vacation and not having to feel even a pinch of guilt since I don't owe anyone even a penny in this world. Lovely sense of peace
    12 points
  12. I feel great, just super excited and pumped. Couple of rough morning which lead me to the midwife to see if my hope was true lol. but overall good. it'slovely timing since Nate has started sleeping in a 7 hour block now. So I am finally caught up on sleeping. matt was shocked, it was perfect. I passed him Nate in his tee shirt, when it was just the two of us home. And he clicked and started crying right away. he is super thrilled by such a quick blessing this time! So we are blessed. He's a bit worried about them being close together, but lots of folk we know have the same. We can't wait to tell Amy, she will be so happy. Any time Nte grows out of something she carefully folds it and puts it in the chest or our next baby . So she will be happy her next wish is on it's way.
    12 points
  13. I'm sorry for all that you're dealing with, but proper diagnosis is a good thing. If I may suggest, I would not share any of that information with your mother, or any family member that will berate or belittle you in any way. You don't need that, and it's not their business.
    11 points
  14. They are messing with you, and it's getting ridiculous. This would be my next email: "I have been very patient. I have been very accomodating. I have asked for nothing more than access to my stuff. Emailing my attorney without cc'ing me on the weekend and giving me a one hour window on Monday is not acceptable. That is less than one business's days notice and you must have realized that there was a strong possibility that none of us would even see the email on time, let alone arrange for a truck and get everything done within one hour. I am coming to get my things and such and such date, I will bring a police escort as a witness. Thanks"
    11 points
  15. I think it's time to share less details with people like this. It really not anybody's business why you don't want to take a trip to Mexico. And in a way she's right, you COULD go. But you are making another choice, a better choice in my opinion. So instead of framing it as you can't go, which opens her up to argue with you about your finances, why not say we have other priorities right now. And honestly I would not want to vacation with her anyway. There are very few people I would vacation with and someone who calls me crazy isn't going to be on a short list to travel with me. Save your money after the debt is gone and go with your dh!
    11 points
  16. The interview went well. I will just see where it leads. The Intellectual Property deals with patent prosecution and litigation, trademarks and copyrights. I was specifically talking to the head of the patent prosecution team. This is an area I want to get into, so a big first step meeting other people in this field.
    11 points
  17. Would it help to know that Dave Ramsey would absolutely give you permission to STOP paying the cards? You take your income, you pay the 4 walls, you draw a line when the money runs out. Period. Then you let them call and call. I'm sure you have caller ID on your cell phones. Don't answer the phone unless you absolutely know who it is. Even job hunting, this is not a problem as long as you have voicemail. I've never met an employer who is like "I got a voicemail, so they obviously don't want the job". They will leave a message. Just stop paying the debts and don't answer your phone. You can call THEM once a week as Dave recommends, but only when YOU are ready. Also I don't see any way that you will be paying more for health insurance if you quit your job. As previous posters pointed out, you are paying way more now than you would on the exchange especially if you subtract daycare. I understand you don't want to pull your daughter from real school. But I would encourage you to consider it, if your mother is willing to take you all in. If your in-laws are willing to take you in, that would be even better so you don't have to pull her. For the pullups, I have to agree with others at this point. Just put them in thick underwear and do more laundry if you have to. $60 on pullups at this point is just not feasible in your budget. Pullups weren't even invented until like 15 years ago or so. I'm sure you can do without. You guys are thinking way too much of "what ifs" and not living with the situation you have today. What if they do a credit check? Well, they can't do one without you knowing in advance, because they need your signature. If they ask, you can pre-emptively tell them that you've been out of work for a year and chose to pay for food and rent for your children instead of a timeshare. Tell them in advance it won't look good. But really, I've only needed a credit check for one job, and it was one that required handling LARGE amounts of money. Otherwise I've never needed one. The worst case scenario is he is denied a job due to bad credit but since he doesn't have a job right now, that seems to be not a good enough reason to borrow money to pay debts. Again, I would totally agree with you if we were at month 1, or 2, or 3....different decisions need to be made when it's gone on this long. We all care about your future and your girls' future. I think it will take a load off your mind, more than you even realize, if you stop trying to pay for things that you just can't pay for.
    11 points
  18. She is here safe and sound, all is well. A bit small 6lb 1 ounce, but checked out just fine and is nursing ok. so we should be going home in a day our two. Thanks for all the prayer we appreciate it! Feeling great, and looking forward to Amy meting her
    11 points
  19. It's exactly the right compromise!!! He is so happy, he sounded so cheerful on the phone when I called to congratulate him. If the hours are a little short in a given week he might not equal te other job but he is also going to talk to Dominoes because they just put their sign out looking for drivers again and his ticket fell off his record. So, he is hoping to do that some as well AND be able to continue his job hunt!
    11 points
  20. Boy, I might be a bit of a downer here. But here goes, So it would,still give you an extra $225 weekly,$900 for three months, I'd be jumping on it to be honest. My thoughts are , if you help the temp agency out this time then perhaps she will find a better more suitable position for him at the end of the 13 weeks. and it may not be a great salary but it' doesn't matter what he used to make if he isn't bringing in a cent now. If Matt had the same offer, I'd be packing his,lunch for him and he'd be in the truck ready to go. Sometimes you wade through manure to get to the harvest. i feel for him. I can imagine it isn't an exciting job offer or even a joyous one. I really pray for a better opportunity for him to come a long down the road. I hope you both reach an agreement that works for you guys.
    11 points
  21. Wow...you guys are such an inspiration! I have to admit that every time I visit the site I look to see if you have updated your signature. I am so glad that you have met your goal with a week to spare! It has been such a great month for your family...a new baby and reaching your financial goals! Please continue to post frequently...I love to follow your progress with the family, the community and the financial stuff (the family stuff is more fun, though!). You have helped change so many lives both in your community and on this board...
    11 points
  22. A house is just the structure that holds out the elements so you can stay safe, dry and warm. A home is the life you build within your house. The care and attention to your son, you loving family together. Build the home, walk away from the house.
    11 points
  23. I feel good that you know and have thought through your "deal breakers". I think they are reasonable and healthy and that you don't have your head in the sand and are ready and willing to go if the need arises. I pray for you and your children that it won't become necessary. I sincerely hope that you see some real change come out of this.
    11 points
  24. Thank you all - I know we don't "know" each other - but I can't explain how much it means to me to hear other people tell me that it's going to be ok. That this is not the end of the world. I went in and got the papers signed. It just seems so silly that it had to come to this. The papers say that we can't "harass" each other - no problem there - I've not heard from him since December. It just seems so "low-class" that we even have to do that. It also asks for temporary and permanent spousal support. Wish I could be there when he sees that. He's going to flip out. Hopefully this will be the kick that he needs to make me a reasonable offer. I really don't want to take this to court - there is no reason for it. It was so difficult to see my name as "Plaintiff" and his as defendant. That's not what I was thinking would happen on the day that we got married. We were for keeps. I kept thinking that I completely gave up my opportunity to have biological kids. At this point in my life I was supposed to be a happily married stay at home mom with kids in middle school. Instead I'm a work from home technical writer with a very cute puppy, but it could be worse. I could be unemployed, or very sick, or have not able to make my own way. I wish I hated him, but I don't hate him. I just couldn't stay married to him. When I think about what I miss - it's always the same. I miss his income, I miss my home, I miss my nice things, I miss my hot tub. But no part of me misses him. Maybe the him of 10 years ago - but not the him of the last 5 years. I don't wish that he were in bed with me at night - and I don't have any desire to call him or try to work things out. But I'm not mad at him, and I don't hate him. Hopefully in a couple of months from now this will all be over. I just can't look back. I have to look forward. I have to think of all the good things that are going to happen.. 1) I'll be able to pay off my CC bill AND my hospital bill. 2)I can start looking for a small house for me and Levi! I do like the roommate situation - but I really want my own place. It's been over a year now, so I'm ready to be on my own again. 3)I do have a lot to offer a new man - I can't have kids- but how many guys in their late 30's or 40's want to start a new family? I'm smart, I'm somewhat attractive I suppose. I ran a marathon last year and although I have not run since surgery, I will get back to it - and I am already back in my size 6 pants (thank GOD because I was NOT going to buy new shorts). I have a great job, and I have a good resume so I can find another job if I got laid off or something. Not having kids might actually be a plus right? A new guy won't have to deal with the whole ex-father situation, or trying to get the kids to like him etc. 4) Every decision I make is now mine and NO ONE can get angry at me for anything! To make myself feel better I went into Gmail and read through a couple of email fights that we had a couple of years ago. It really helped to revisit why I left. I was miserable. I was constantly being told what to do and when to do it. He even got angry with me for the way I start my car. He said that I was too rough on the starter and would ruin it. Well, I'm still driving it - so I suppose I can't be THAT bad at starting a car. Yeah, it helps to take myself back to WHY I couldn't stay. This is going to be ok. In fact, it may turn out really well for me. I know as the process moves forward that I will have some more sad and bad days - but I'm going to work really hard to remember to stay focused. This is NOT a tragedy. This is a new beginning. A lot of people will never have the blessings I do. And.. I am so glad I have Levi! He likes being with me - he's fun to take on walks, and he really does help.
    10 points
  25. I totally get it. I do. I'm not going to tell you to just snap out of it because it isn't that easy. I remember feeling EXACTLY the way you feel right now, I thought my life was going backwards. I had no family, and most of my friends were only really acquaintances that picked the ex due to them all still living in the same neighborhood since I was the one who had to move out. I think anyone who hasn't lived through it really does not understand how horrible it can feel. And I was doing plenty of church work and such and honestly it just made me feel like "wait a minute, I'm serving all of these people but who is serving me? My husband left me, I have no job, I am alone....when is it my turn to be cared for"? I think you need to be busier at night. Join a book club, a knitting club, a skydiving club, whatever floats your boat. Read the books you've always wanted to read. Do the things with your free time that you LOVE to do. You will meet someone. Not now, it's not the right time yet, but you will. And when you do, that will take up a lot of your time. NOW is the time to do what YOU like to do before you have to worry about another person and making sure that they are also happy. Also...come down to FL and visit me.
    10 points
  26. And by the way, that's your ex talking in your head. You aren't worthy, no one else will want you, you're nothing without him, your best days are behind you, you'll never have anything again. He's pushed you down for so many years that you believe him. NO, NO, NO. You are a great person, articulate, with a good job, friends, __________ - you fill in the rest. Don't let him rob you of ONE MORE DAY.
    10 points
  27. Thanks everyone! We're home today and everything has gone so smoothly. The labor & delivery were complication free, and FAST. Breastfeeding is good and established. It really was a wonderful experience. From the first twinge of "maybe these contractions are for real" to holding her in my arms was right at three hours, two of which were in the hospital. I pushed twice and she was here. Third time really was a charm.
    10 points
  28. Thoughts this morning: 1. I am glad that I don't have to spruce up our house and deal with contingency contracts while 6-9 months pregnant. 2. It has made me look critically at what DOES need to be done around here, so next time I get a whiff of nesting, I now know what I should tackle. 3. I am relieved that DH and I are still on the same page regarding getting rid of debt and agree not to acquire more debt, even if it appears to be a good deal. 4. DH pointed out that adding acreage when I hardly even go out in our current back yard doesn't make much sense.... GRRR and I know he's right. He dislikes yard work so adding acreage would be ridiculous. 5. I'm going to start my grateful / blessing lists again so that I won't be tempted by anything we don't have.
    10 points
  29. I would absolutely say that is good news. Someone is seeing the value in you because you are seeing it in yourself. It will be hard some days, but think about the changes you are going to be making in your life and how proud your little man is going to be of his Mama!
    10 points
  30. I have heard a few mentioned in conversation circles, a new swing, cast iron pan, sewing materials, new hoe lol. Wild folks the Amish lol. I don t think there will really be any over the top ones but we will see, people knew the church was providing funds so I expect most will be pretty modest. Maybe there is a trip to Disney or a disco ball in there, but I will just sit the uncles down and say no! Lol
    10 points
  31. Kind of related, but.....something that's been bothering me lately. Why is it ok for sports teams to panhandle outside of retail establishments for non necessary things (like cheer camp) while at the same time panhandling for food/money is in general frowned upon in society? I personally NEVER give money to any fundraising effort where the kids aren't doing anything to earn the money. It is no different than begging and for a much less worthy cause. Now if they want to wash cars or something, I will happily overpay for a carwash for a good cause. But just standing there saying "would you like to donate to our soccer team?" is begging and should not be encouraged. Those kids are learning nothing but entitlement.
    10 points
  32. Ok, recasted and feeling better today then it did all week. The fingers are set in a different position, so much better. Whew, should be ticking along soon here.
    10 points
  33. Do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always got. I believe the definition of insanity is expecting something else. You can not change them. You can ONLY change YOU. So, if I understand this correctly..... You sister is teaching your son to disobey your rules, your mother wants you to pay her for doing so, and she acts like she's half of a bitterly divorced couple.... and YOU are the other half. Using your son to "get back at you". Your mother is acting like a spoiled teenager wanting something for nothing, and you are acting like a bad parent and indulging her in her delusions. Why don't you take your sister to work and drop her off? Tell her she needs to find a ride home. I'm not sure how the dynamic came about where you are "borrowing" your own car. But I would end that stuff NOW. You can offer things like..... "I'm not going to be back then, so you can either come with me now, and I'll drop you off, or you can find another way, but I need to know YOUR CHOICE right now, because I'm getting ready to leave." Or.... "I'll be back at x o'clock. If you still want to BORROW MY CAR then, that would be fine." You are making yourself sick about this. Your family members are what I refer to as "Toxic People." They may be sweet as heck to other folks, but for you and your son, they are poison. You said in this post (and I believe a similar version before).... "I just want to get my car taken care of and leave." Do you need permission? OK.... you have permission. I would not "pay" them for their bad behavior. No. I do not reward things like that. My understanding is that at least two of these folks are OLDER than you, so they should be ready to take care of themselves. You need to keep the money you have to spend on taking care of you and your child. HE'S the ONLY one in that house who can't take care of himself. THE ONLY ONE. If you give anyone else money, you are taking it away from HIM. HIS well-being, HIS safety. Once you have settled the matter of other people borrowing your car ONLY when it's convenient for YOU to lend it to them, get the heck OUT of the house! Do not sit there and expose your child to that daily. Get in the car with him and go somewhere... the park, a museum, the library, just drive around, or even park away from the house, just GO... somewhere ELSE. Heck, spend that time "settling" whatever needs to be "settled" so that you can get out! I understand that you, for some reason, can not stand up for yourself...... fine. But how much do you love your son? Are you willing to stand up for HIM? Exposing him to this kind of mental mind games daily is not good. I know you have this "dream" that everyone will all of a sudden start acting like adults, and show you some respect. But they won't. Their behavior will worsen until they chase you out of the house. You can either choose to let that time be now, or wait. That is YOUR choice. Leave now, stop making yourself sick expecting others to change to suit you, and change yourself...... or wait dealing with the disrespect and outright hate on a daily basis until it becomes even more unbearable. So choose. Which do you prefer? But make no mistake. YOU ARE MAKING THE CHOICE.
    9 points
  34. Nothing has changed for your family in several years. You have boundary issues and every member of your family has boundary issues. No one knows how to establish personal boundaries or honor one another's boundaries. You are a grown woman with a child and need to be living independently. Who knows if you "owe" you mother or your sisters money? We don't have a ledger. They do, and you do but the books don't agree. It simply wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have all the boundary issues. Read Boundaries if you haven't already done so.
    9 points
  35. So, let me get this right? You've paid extra, just not enough for a payoff date in 2015? Still success. Still faster than originally planned. Still success in my book.
    9 points
  36. In our decision about whether or not to have children I go through these same feelings regularly. "I'll NEVER be a mother of the bride or groom, I'll NEVER hear anyone's first words or see first steps, or watch them win the spelling bee. I'm drawing a line in the sand that will END the possibility of biological motherhood forever." I'm glad you're sharing them here and with a counselor because its important to have someone hear those things, even if there is an adoption or whatever later, it is still part of the grieving process for all that you are going through now and that's a scary time. Keep sharing and sorting through the emotions and try to find something (or a few things) good in every day. I'm a nurse and the truth is that I see people struggle with loss every single day... I tell them they will get through it, and they will, but the loss is still real and valid. You will get through this too-- no need to dredge your ex into it, he was no help when you were married and he can't help you now. Time to acknowledge this loss and keep moving forward. {{HUGS}}
    9 points
  37. " I'll NEVER be a mother of the bride or groom, I'll NEVER hear anyone's first words or see first steps, or watch them win the spelling bee. I'm drawing a line in the sand that will END the possibility of biological motherhood forever" I didn't give birth to my son but I will get to do all of these things god willing! While I don't want to share all the details my amazing son and I became a family when he was 5 1/2 months old. It was by far the most amazing, scary, and fulfilling moment of my adult life. Only you can decide which course of treatment is best for you at this moment but I think you should consider the possibilities out there for motherhood. If you ever want to PM me about specifics on single motherhood feel free. Hope your appt goes well today.
    9 points
  38. Thanks for the support and the great ideas, everyone. I've called home health care and increased their visits from 2x a week to 3x a week until we get things under control. Dh is actually feeling really good, it's just getting used to new meds, etc that is weird on his part. He also has a job to look up and tag some heart-healthy recipes that sound good to him. I took your advice and really slashed my home to-do list. There's only a few things on there now - stuff like we really HAVE to disconnect the outside water so the pipes don't bust this winter, and I HAVE to get out my winter clothes so I don't freeze my tushie off with the cold weather. My work list is on a "what HAS to be done TODAY" basis. Today, I had three things I HAD to get done, because tomorrow was an absolute deadline for all three. And I got them done. I'm presenting in Chicago tomorrow, and I have my entire presentation, all hand outs, the state car and iPass all set. It felt really good to just say - I can't get to that other stuff right now. And no one will die because of it. I guess that's kind of where we're at for the moment - what is NOW, and what is later. I'm trying not to get too frustrated with it, because I'm not used to not getting stuff done. My back is slowly improving, too - sitll bad, but better than yesterday. Baby steps in all things, right?
    9 points
  39. Sara, I know how important staying in Nashville has been to you and I'm sorry you are going to have to move. Given how many times Alex came so close to getting something and then it slipped away, it feels like God might be trying to close this door so he can open another one for you guys. I'm going to pray for you that he makes it abundantly clear what his plans for your family are and that he can lead you to another community where you will feel like there is a home for your family.
    9 points
  40. Nathanial got a promotion at the movie theatre to night manager, so he had a great weekend, comes with a $3 hour raise which is always nice. lots of great blessings around here this week!
    9 points
  41. My husband told me "You can't pull that off. No." I don't think he realizes this is not a decision he gets to make. I am not asking his permission on this one. I am leaning towards purple.
    9 points
  42. Hugs Sarah. Please know that many of us have been reading about your life for a long time now--way back before you moved & through the trials & tribulations. We feel that we know you personally & want to help in any way/shape/form. The problem with the internet is just that--we don't really know you, we'd walk by you on the street & not recognize you, & are not in your shoes--just in the shoes you tell us about. Your latest news that your mom can get Alex a job probably did strike many as a bit of a shock. It feels like this was something that could have been done months ago but wasn't. Again--the internet. Maybe the job opening just came up, maybe not. There is probably a whole lot more to the story than we know, so please know we are being judgmental given the information we have been reading--not trying to be mean at all, but I think we are all saying "seriously? he could have had a job with RTG & hasn't even applied yet?" If we didn't know your background, & you were brand new posting that, think of how it would sound. Anyway, hashing that over will get us/you no where. Moving on.. Please, please, please call someone today & see about getting yourself some help for the depression. You qualify for food stamps, there must be a social services program that will help you, or at least point you in the right direction. I have a friend with serious depression & it is heartbreaking. I'm worried for you. Big hugs, we all love you & your family & want to see you succeed. Please know this was all written with love & caring--it's hard to convey tone in words on-line. I hoping today is a better day for you~Chris
    9 points
  43. ESG, its normal to want to reexamine something like this, but the truth is, your life is a painful mess at the moment between the house and dealing with the familial dysfunction. It's absolutely not worth it to have to deal with your family and their dysfunction. Its not worth it economically to always have to stress about making ends meet each month. You NEED out of the house. Now think about the peace you will feel coming home each night to your apartment - just you and your son. The food you bought at the store will still be in your fridge. No one will have eaten it. The power bill and the water bill will be MUCH lower with only the two of you - one less thing to stress about. You'll be safe from worrying about foreclosure, providing both you and your son with much needed security. You will have actual peace in your life. No house maintenance to worry about. No odd dynamics to have to tip toe around your house with. Now, here are your marching orders: 1 - make finding that apartment your only priority outside of work and your son. Nothing else matters now. You are out of time. You HAVE to put this above EVERYTHING else at the moment. It can take up to 30 days for them to background check someone (along with the credit check, etc.). You don't have that now so you HAVE to do this tomorrow. CLear everything else from your plate and go look at apartments. Be ready to submit your application immediately and write a check to hold a spot if there is one available. Apartment complexes often have managers on site. If there is a complex that you are interested in, just stop by to see it. I'd clear the schedule (other than work) and go from complex to complex to complex to find one that meets your needs and has an immediate vacancy. You will feel TREMENDOUS peace once that is resolved. 2 - find daycare for your son. You need it to be available so that is one less stressor on your plate since your sister has been watching him. Start asking around to those who know of in-home daycare providers in your area. 3 pack. As soon as the apartment issue is resolved, focus on packing so you can be out of it as soon as possible before it is foreclosed on. 4 - once those two issues are resolved, you will be freed up to focus on finding a job that pays you adequately that has daytime hours so you can be home at night with your son. Don't worry about your Mom, your sisters, getting roped into conversations at this point. If anyone says anything or tries to get you to do anything else that isn't on your priority list at the moment, tell them "I'm done with the house" and walk away from the conversation. You have enough on your plate to line up at the moment - you don't need their mess, too.
    9 points
  44. On a brighter note found some fancy looking green tomato recipes to can up and package nicely for the fancy market. I will make some snowflakes off that field one way or another.
    9 points
  45. fancy pants market was $4370 after paying out wages, and expenses. new outdoor library market- $1140 so $5510 total towards the farm!
    9 points
  46. Every time I post here, something happens. I would not blame you if you thought I was making it up. I just got an email on the job, I passed this phase, however they are not done. I will be contacted as soon as an opening matching my certification comes up for an additional interview. It never ends! LOL.
    8 points
  47. Well kelvan you are super sneaky! Congratulations! :-) GLG he is doing really well. Deployment coming up in the spring unfortunately He is doing amazing with therapy and all that entails. It has.been almost 6mths since his last issue!
    8 points
  48. I believe in making efforts to attend weddings, but if you can't afford it, you just can't. Every couple has the right to choose how fancy (or not) their wedding is going to be but I can't get on board with them getting upset if you can't afford to attend their expensive wedding. With their choices come consequences. Not having anyone to watch the kids for multiple days is a real issue. If it were me in this situation I would send my husband and tell the family I simply can't afford to attend and needed to stay home with the kids. If that causes a rift, oh well. I won't be held hostage to somebody else's decisions. If someone wants a black tie wedding in an expensive hotel with $200 tux rentals, they should be prepared for a few "no"'s. I know I tend to be a minority on this topic but everything is an option. There is no such thing as "not going isn't an option". Sure it is, but you have to be brave and accept that they will be mad. They will either get over it or die mad. I'm thinking if it's such a close family that they will get over it. Now if you want to go, my advice is different. But if you don't want to go, don't. You wouldn't be the one "causing" the rift. They have to choose to be mad at you. That's all on them.
    8 points
  49. Thanks so much, we are trying to live God's plans for us. it will be a relief to have this behind us so we can turn our focus back to the community more. this was nice feeling. But nothing tops the peace we felt from paying out our farm mortgage. Maybe because we only went into this property with a cash purchase in mind so it was scheduled from the start.Also my dad owns 1/2 in trust for The grand kids. for Matt and I paying our farm was a pipe dream before finding the plan, so the excitement and joy it brought is incomparable both on the journey and since. This was more of a well excited business choice, rather then a personal joy for us in bs7, but we are glad to have the land secured for our next generations of red doors The building and development of the library this fall will give us so much more joy, and also helping the kids run the pumpkin patch. I am looking forward to that as well.
    8 points
  50. Actually it sounds to me like your husband is the one not treating this as a business. If they underpay, they should be sent a bill for the remainder. That's what a business would do. No emotion, just the bill. I think letting them slip on a few things had caused them to take advantage. I'd send them a notice that from now on PayPal payments will have a surcharge. And is absolutely ask for my amazon box back! I wouldn't sue them over it or anything but if they insisted on keeping something that they know they didn't pay for, I wouldn't be renewing their lease either. I don't think they are actually good tennants. I've rented before and would never think of ripping up landscaping without permission or stealing packages. You can find better tennants. If ride. Out the lease and not renew them.
    8 points
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