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Coming Out

Chérie

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Warning: this post contains racism, death, and gay-ness. You've been warned.

 

I'm from New Orleans and I am white. Spouse is from Mexico and very brown (this is important later). While growing up, my family was very hatful towards people of color. I've seen hate stem from nothing more than the color of someone's skin. When I got a little older, I realized that some family members were part of the KKK. Mostly, it was my uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I knew I was "different" from a very young age... not that I was gay. I just didn't undersatand why I couldn't have friends outside of my race.

 

I finally wore my mom down to the point where she let me have black friends at school but could never bring them home. During this struggle to attempt to understand my family while enjoying the friendship of everyone I met at school, I would often overhear conversations of "back in the day when you could just lynch a ni**er..." at Thanksgiving. Those stories were true and they frightened me to death. How could you justify killing someone for no logical rhyme or reason? I was the black sheep long before I even knew what Gay even was.

 

As a teen, I realized that I was attracted to Latinos. It took years to get my mom to be "ok" with me holding hands with a brown person outside, where all of the neighbors could see...

Bless her heart, she made progress by the time I graduated! I could have any friend I wanted and I could date anyone I chose. Life was good and I was ready to move out and be on my own!

 

I moved to Texas with a Honduran boy when I was 18 and life slapped us in the face... well, not me so much. White privlige and racial profiling were in full force. If he drove the car, we would get pulled over and harassed. I would go 20+ miles over the speed limit and get "verbal warnings." One time, I did get pulled over by a black cop who yelled at me taking my time to find a parking lot to pull in to. That was the first time a cop had scared me. He made me get out of the car and sit in the Texas heat while he visually checked my car. I'll be honest and tell you that I did not know my rights because it wasn't a need for me. Well, as crazy as it seems, when I thought I was going to get my first ticket, a white cop pulls up to us. He tells me to get back in my car to cool down with the A/C. After a few minutes, he comes to the window and APOLOGIZES to me and tells me I'm free to go. Seriously?! I was clearly speeding and I got an apology? Something wasn't right. This is crazy. Not that I wanted a ticket, but I didn't think that it was right. If it had been a POC, they would've AT LEAST gotten a ticket. How is that right?

 

A few years after learning to be an adult, I met a girl that I liked. As I began to realize that I was gay, my attention also became focused on the LGBT community. I was very closeted for a long time and rightly so. Stories of people killing and torturing gay people started reminding me of the stories I heard from my family. Except, skin color wasn't a factor. If you were gay, you were "going to hell so we might as well torture you in the last minutes of your life so that you'll get a taste of what you're in for." Again, this is absolutely insane. I escaped the KKK to run into people who used God as an excuse to kill humans.

 

I met my wife in 2009. My mom loves her by the way! However, we needed to be careful in public. We didn't stand too close, we didn't hold hands without checking our surroundings, we just had to be careful. Especially, since my wife "looks like a lesbian" with her short hair. Occasionally, we would walk too close and people would shout bible verses at us or call us faggots. I had heard stories of people killing gays, but that was in other states. Not here. Here, they just yelled. They wouldn't hurt us. It's not like we were making out in the street. Right? As we got more comfortable acting like a real couple in some public places, this story happened and it blew me away.

 

http://www.houstonpress.com/news/larry-cosby-convicted-for-murder-of-daughter-and-her-girlfriend-8658352

 

This was a black man that my old co-worker knew. He hated how his people were treated, enslaved, and killed for no reason by white people. Yet, here he is, a FATHER who killed his own daughter and her girlfriend because they were gay. My co-worker said that he would threaten his daughter about the girlfriend pretty regularly. He threatened her so often that it became normal. He was all talk and no action... until he wasn't.

 

That's it. I vowed never to get too comfortable. My life, and my wife are too important. People are crazy.

 

I also work in a call center, so when I was taking customer service calls, I would build report by mentioning my spouse and it just became second nature. Lord knows, you don't want to offend a customer with your "lifestyle."

 

So, I don't do it because I am ashamed of my spouse or I'm being politically correct with some liberal agenda. I do it to keep us safe when we are not among people we know. I do it because I hate it when people take it upon themselves to tell me how I will be spending my eternity. I do it because I am being respectful of the "societal norm" that exists. Also, no one else seemed to mention their spouse's name, so I thought it was just a privacy issue in the forum.

 

So, Spouse is a "she" and you don't have to change the way you speak about her. If you want to, that's great. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, then just pretend she's a DH. TBH, I didn't even know what DH was for at least 2 months. LoL

 

There you have it. No more skeletons in my closet.

 

P. S. Excuse any typos. I'm doing this on the mobile version.

 

Warning: this post contains racism, death, and gay-ness. You've been warned.

 

I'm from New Orleans and I am white. Spouse is from Mexico and very brown (this is important later). While growing up, my family was very hatful towards people of color. I've seen hate stem from nothing more than the color of someone's skin. When I got a little older, I realized that some family members were part of the KKK. Mostly, it was my uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I knew I was "different" from a very young age... not that I was gay. I just didn't undersatand why I couldn't have friends outside of my race.

 

I finally wore my mom down to the point where she let me have black friends at school but could never bring them home. During this struggle to attempt to understand my family while enjoying the friendship of everyone I met at school, I would often overhear conversations of "back in the day when you could just lynch a ni**er..." at Thanksgiving. Those stories were true and they frightened me to death. How could you justify killing someone for no logical rhyme or reason? I was the black sheep long before I even knew what Gay even was.

 

As a teen, I realized that I was attracted to Latinos. It took years to get my mom to be "ok" with me holding hands with a brown person outside, where all of the neighbors could see...

Bless her heart, she made progress by the time I graduated! I could have any friend I wanted and I could date anyone I chose. Life was good and I was ready to move out and be on my own!

 

I moved to Texas with a Honduran boy when I was 18 and life slapped us in the face... well, not me so much. White privlige and racial profiling were in full force. If he drove the car, we would get pulled over and harassed. I would go 20+ miles over the speed limit and get "verbal warnings." One time, I did get pulled over by a black cop who yelled at me taking my time to find a parking lot to pull in to. That was the first time a cop had scared me. He made me get out of the car and sit in the Texas heat while he visually checked my car. I'll be honest and tell you that I did not know my rights because it wasn't a need for me. Well, as crazy as it seems, when I thought I was going to get my first ticket, a white cop pulls up to us. He tells me to get back in my car to cool down with the A/C. After a few minutes, he comes to the window and APOLOGIZES to me and tells me I'm free to go. Seriously?! I was clearly speeding and I got an apology? Something wasn't right. This is crazy. Not that I wanted a ticket, but I didn't think that it was right. If it had been a POC, they would've AT LEAST gotten a ticket. How is that right?

 

A few years after learning to be an adult, I met a girl that I liked. As I began to realize that I was gay, my attention also became focused on the LGBT community. I was very closeted for a long time and rightly so. Stories of people killing and torturing gay people started reminding me of the stories I heard from my family. Except, skin color wasn't a factor. If you were gay, you were "going to hell so we might as well torture you in the last minutes of your life so that you'll get a taste of what you're in for." Again, this is absolutely insane. I escaped the KKK to run into people who used God as an excuse to kill humans.

 

I met my wife in 2009. My mom loves her by the way! However, we needed to be careful in public. We didn't stand too close, we didn't hold hands without checking our surroundings, we just had to be careful. Especially, since my wife "looks like a lesbian" with her short hair. Occasionally, we would walk too close and people would shout bible verses at us or call us faggots. I had heard stories of people killing gays, but that was in other states. Not here. Here, they just yelled. They wouldn't hurt us. It's not like we were making out in the street. Right? As we got more comfortable acting like a real couple in some public places, this story happened and it blew me away.

 

http://www.houstonpress.com/news/larry-cosby-convicted-for-murder-of-daughter-and-her-girlfriend-8658352

 

This was a black man that my old co-worker knew. He hated how his people were treated, enslaved, and killed for no reason by white people. Yet, here he is, a FATHER who killed his own daughter and her girlfriend because they were gay. My co-worker said that he would threaten his daughter about the girlfriend pretty regularly. He threatened her so often that it became normal. He was all talk and no action... until he wasn't.

 

That's it. I vowed never to get too comfortable. My life, and my wife are too important. People are crazy.

 

I also work in a call center, so when I was taking customer service calls, I would build report by mentioning my spouse and it just became second nature. Lord knows, you don't want to offend a customer with your "lifestyle."

 

So, I don't do it because I am ashamed of my spouse or I'm being politically correct with some liberal agenda. I do it to keep us safe when we are not among people we know. I do it because I hate it when people take it upon themselves to tell me how I will be spending my eternity. I do it because I am being respectful of the "societal norm" that exists. Also, no one else seemed to mention their spouse's name, so I thought it was just a privacy issue in the forum.

 

So, Spouse is a "she" and you don't have to change the way you speak about her. If you want to, that's great. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, then just pretend she's a DH. TBH, I didn't even know what DH was for at least 2 months. LoL

 

There you have it. No more skeletons in my closet.

 

P. S. Excuse any typos. I'm doing this on the mobile version.

----------------------------Later-------------------------

On 6/30/2017 at 7:34 AM, momto6 said:

Well dang. *sigh*  People are stupid.

 

The first cop was wrong for pulling you out of the car and searching or whatever, the second cop was probably trying to prevent a law suit.  People generally work towards their own best interest.  You probably ticked off the first cop, the second calmed him down.  He over-reacted and the second cop swept it all away.  Cops are just people... in a uniform.  You can't really expect them to not act like people.  **Knowing your rights is a need for everyone.  If you do not know them you can not exercise them.  If you do not exercise them, they go away.  And no one notices.  Very 1984ish.  (The book, not the year.)
 
Some folks do mention their spouses names, I don't because I spent too long working in the military and don't share identifiable information on the internet.  Not just here, but anywhere.  I am very conscious of what information I give and whether or not it could be used to track me down.  *L*  Not that I'm paranoid or anything!!  *LOL*  (Although names are rarely mentioned, generally gender is.... He, she, etc... are used.  If not, then so many folks would have not likely noticed your lack of either word.  =0) When someone does that I generally assume same sex.  Bad on me, but there it is.  *L*)
 
That time in the military separates me from many folks sometimes.  I don't understand racism, sexism, and all the other "-isms", although that also has something to do with how I was raised.  And I don't necessarily mince words.  *L*   "-isms" are stupid.  I have seen it, and am always shocked.  I have seen it in folks that I thought I knew, and it has colored the way I see them.  I have seen it in the military (though lots less than in the civilian world... possibly because of the UCMJ (laws)....), and I have seen it in the civilian world.  I know it exists, but I still think it's stupid and refuse to participate.
 
The "father" was not really a father, not in any way that counts.... He was possibly a jealous, unstable, convict.  Living off others and blaming others for the way his life went, instead of blaming the only individual who had control of that.... himself.  People are crazy.   It always bothers me when folks let one instance color their view of everyone.  (probably too close to those "-isms".) This guy was nuts.  His daughter doing better than he was showed him in glaring detail that it wasn't "the man" keeping him down, but his own choices.  He was faced with this "truth" every single day.... maybe the new car was too much.  Maybe it was her lifestyle.... maybe he just couldn't take seeing what his life could have been like if he made different choices.  Maybe he just really was a bigot.  We can forever come up with different maybes... he's not talking.  So we will never know.  I think it's a mistake to try and figure out his motives, because they will forever be tainted by how YOU see the world.  They will confirm the bad, and that's just not good for anyone.  Don't let his actions hold YOU hostage as well.  Then he wins.  (And I really hate it when folks like this win.... even a little bit.)
 
BUT personal safety is a real thing.  And folks really, REALLY hate gay folks sometimes.  I don't know why.  It's stupid.  Folks take sections of the Bible all the time to justify their actions.  They almost always forget the part about judging others.   So....  *Thbbbttttt!* to them.
 
I am offended by political correctness and "-isms".  *LOL*  The things that separate us as a race (humans).
 
OH, and by the way if a "word" in underlined you can put your mouse over the top of it and it will show the translation....  DH = Dear Husband (although the D does not ALWAYS stand for dear!)... I have to leave my mouse there for a bit for it to come up.
 
Now back to the regularly scheduled program....
 
Welcome to the boards.   My post is on the matter at hand is above, and since I rarely write short posts, I'm not going to rewrite it!  *L*
 
 

 

On 7/1/2017 at 1:43 AM, Chérie said:

Thank you for being so kind! Things on the money-front things are on hold as far as having a discussion. Our friend, who is staying for 2 weeks is here so I just want to enjoy the company. Her kids are great and my baby fever is being satisfied by all the love I get to do on the baby! She is sooooo adorable and sweet! She's a year old and I love every little thing that she does <3

 

Having her little play pen and baby toys in the house makes it just seem so warm and home-y. I don't know if, when they leave, the baby fever will get worse or not. LoL We'll wait and see! We took them to Pike's Peak (14,000 ft. mountain). We cheated and drove up of course! It was beautiful (and chilly). All of the smaller mountains were below you and the looming cloud seemed to be within reach. I felt so free being at the summit! I took a million selfies with the baby and enjoyed learning how to drive up (and down) the mountain even though the lack of guard rails in spots scared me a little.

 

If you were asking about my FPU friend instead, she isn't ready to join the forum. She is on BS1still and feels like it's taking too long. Every time she saves up a few hundred, her car starts doing something weird. Right now, it makes a loud click when she presses the brake. Murphy is in her passenger seat :(

 

She did get the Every Dollar app and her homework from last week was to finish a budget. I'll see her later today and look over it with her. For now, I did just make my last payment for the month of June and am happy with the progress we are making, despite the reluctant spouse :)

 

With that last payment, it brought the Amazon card down to $3,163.77. This is just shy of my goal to have it below $3000 by July. It's close enough that I don't feel horrible for not reaching it, but it's not a goal that I can check off so it motivates me to do better next month.

 

Right now, my July snowballs are slim because the rent insurance is due ($125 for the year) and I had to start a sinking fund for a lawyer. With all the changes that have occurred/are occurring with immigration law, we were told to have a deportation plan in place in case Spouse gets detained (even though she does have a work permit). They have been detaining Green Card holders in the south for appearing at a scheduled appointment to continue with their path to citizenship recently. Spouse doesn't have a green card yet, so we'd rather be prepared since it's a possibility that I can budget for. I'm planning $300/mon for 3 months and then we can reconsider what the laws look like at that point and figure out how to actually get a deportation plan in order. As far as I know, the next appointment is to renew the work permit and submit biometrics to make sure Spouse didn't become a criminal since last time.

 

...All that was really just to say that my July goal is to get the balance below $2000. This should be doable as long as we stay on track with budgeting.

 



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