So it has been a while since I posted anything, mostly because I was afraid that he would find my entries and read them, even though in reality I know that is very unlikely. Last week, while he (I can't call him DH because he isn't dear to me any more) was out of town on business, I got a letter from the mortgage company that they were going to accelerate into foreclosure (for the FOURTH TIME), a shut off notice for the electric, and a cancellation notice for the car insurance.
This is more than I can take. There have been other issues between us and we were struggling to remain a couple as it was, but I can't live like this any more. I accept my part in this; I did not insist on paying the bills together, I let him get away with things that I should not have, and I did not stand up to him to explain anything. I also have a bank account that I hid from him. However, even if we don't divorce, I do not want to live with him right now.
I met with a realtor yesterday, one of Dave's ELPs. He was very kind, I explained everything to him, and we looked over the house together. It needs a new roof which we could not qualify for financing for. There's a hole in the living room ceiling. The entire inside needs paint. And there's clutter, junk, STUFF everywhere that's got to go. The kind realtor suggested I call the bank and explain all this to them. So I did; we worked out a solution that will buy me another month to get things in order and get the house listed. I am overwhelmed with the thought of all the painting but my family has all said they will help. Husband will not do any of it, he says, he thinks the realtor is just trying to make more money.
I am just so overwhelmed. I need a dumpster to get all the trash out (he has hoarder tendencies). I have stuff I need to sell and I have no idea how much to ask. I need to get the paint and get working on it. And I need to figure out how to tell him I don't want to live with him right now.
I just want my life to be honest, above board, budgeted, and less painful. Is that too much to ask?