You're probably sick of reading my family rants so if you don't want to see me upset or hear about my mother you may want to pass this. I'm hoping in a year I can look back and be in a better place than this but I have to put my thoughts somewhere.
I got an email from my mother today entitled "What are your plans"
It started off fine with this whole "I'm writing just to you cause people don't listen when you talk" thing and quickly turned into how when she gets money the first thing she does is share it. She goes on to say that if she were me she would give money for being here (but doesn't mention all the times that I have with no problem or that I just paid on things or that I gave her a small amount for a bill that she has to pay). Then she mentions that I basically abandoned them when I moved from the house into my own apartment (but said nothing about the water bill they left behind when they left the house or that they were moving with my aunt who didn't have space for my son and I). She talked about how she did so much for the lawsuit against the mortgage company and how they wouldn't have my information if she hadn't (even though it's the mortgage company's records that was used against them). She wants me to give my older sister money "cause she kept us afloat when she could" yet doesn't even acknowledge that my sister goes out of her way to ignore me. I could be sitting in the room and she'll make it a point to call one of them to talk to when she sees me and when she does talk to me it's to tell me about my bad parenting, my inability to do all kinds of things or complain about the food that I buy (I'm the main one to grocery shop besides my younger sister who doesn't do it enough for regular meals). I don't say anything to her so it's not like I'm amping her up but she wants me to give her money with that attitude? The one person that has made the house walk on eggshells for years? Who continuously tells me to leave cause I'm not helping out yet she wont let her car be used or put in for her full share of the rent? I once told her that I didn't like my son having coffee drinks or chocolate. He was under two. She made it a point to give them anyway so I would look like the bad guy taking them away. Then she would make comments to him, like she does now, that I'm a bad mother for not letting him have/do something so he has said it to me before. She does those kinds of things when I don't want my son to say or do certain things. My mother wants me to give her money cause she was helpful three years ago.
On top of that she wants me to continue to sue because she thinks they can remove it from my credit and put money in my account. Nevermind that I've already tried and it stressed me out so bad. I'm really done with this whole "get more money" thing.
"And sure, using the car is appreciated, but you know." That's all she said about that. That's it. We've been doing this since June and that was her words on that. We're without the car 3pm - 2am and whenever my sister has to work a second job which makes it noon to 2am now. Nevermind that my son is ready to go or that I still have to deal with being told I have a time limit every time I want to leave the house. Yes, every time I want to leave the house I'm rushed and told that I don't have much time.
Show them some gratitude and "don’t make your sisters not want to be bothered with you". I'm not sure I want to be bothered if this is what it means to deal with people. I'm not selfish. I'm more than okay helping and most of the time its to a fault. I know that but one thing I'm not is selfish. I have never acted like they couldn't ask me for something. I do budget ahead of time and I don't like surprise expenses but to act like I'm being selfish because I'm not giving out money?
I cannot stand to be around her right now yet its just us three here all day. She sent the email yesterday and it was in my junk mail so I didn't see it until today. I wrote out a response but I'm not sure I'll send it. I don't want to talk to her at all and I really don't feel like going back and forth over email because chances are she's already sharing or planning to share the email anyway. I don't believe she would even keep it to herself because she never does. I just want to get my car taken care of and leave. Part of me is okay to not deal with her anymore because it always leaves me wondering if it's me that's the problem or something she's doing and I'd rather not have that to deal with. I'd rather be clear on things. When I mess up, I mess up. I don't need other people throwing in their mess too.
As for the money, I haven't splurged on anything. I still have the majority of it sitting in my savings account. I paid on any passed due bills (including family bills), bought some groceries, some earphones for myself and bought my son an educational game and three little monster trucks. Not even $60 total for both us. How sad is that? He loves them and he's happy and that's what counts but it's sad that I'm getting an email basically calling me selfish for not even doing anything yet. I haven't even said anything about it or made plans for it (even though I do have budget scenarios). I know for a fact that if it were my sisters they would have spent a good bit of it already and that's fine but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't get any emails. She knows I'm not even spending it like crazy. It hasn't even been half a week with it in my account and not even two days from it being in my account that I get the email. It's like one big guilt trip to start handing out money.
So basically in this family, if someone helps you out at all you have to pay them back when you get any money because they apparently will bring up every instance in the last three to five years where they did something for you. Except she only considers it helping when it's not them living in my house or using my car or eating the groceries they don't help me pay for (and I've never once asked them for anything back even though I'm so tempted now).
So I guess I need to know if I should figure out an amount and give it to the three of them and leave. Knowing my mother, it will never be enough but still.
And another minor thing I'm sick of - I'm tired of her mentioning things my son can't do or have because he's a boy. Frozen? Who cares. He can like whatever he wants. I'm so sick of this I'm giving myself a migraine.