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Little by little


Freedom10

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So, I'm trying to actively incorporate better things in my life. Someone gave me a running leash. You clip it around your waist and it clips to the dog - there is a handhold and it has a little stretch to it. She wasn't able to use it to run with her dog, so she gave it to me.

 

I took Levi out on two runs with it and it works really well! I like it and I think he really likes it too. We did two miles each time. I have to send her a thank you note.

 

I went to my first AA meeting. I picked a women only group. It was nice - I will go back this week.

 

I have to give six months worth of my checking account activity - which makes me feel kinda violated. I can see why they want to see my paystubs - but to see my activity and to know I spent 50.00 eating out or whatever. That seems like a little too much to me. But I don't have a choice. I hate that. I don't mind anything else - but giving them my checkbook activity sucks.

 

But it must be done - so that is on my list of things to do tonight. I might also go to another meeting. It helps to hear stories from people who had to face so many difficulties and still come out better for it.

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I am sorry that they are delving into your personal spending history. At least this will soon be done. 

 

It does sound like you have a plan and are making progress. I am really glad to hear that you feel the meetings help. Sometimes we just need to hear of others' struggles and successes to put ours in perspective. 

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Have you discussed it with your attorney. Is it really necessary and if so why. I agree it seems unreasonable. Will you have access to his last 6 months as well?

 

Glad that you are doing better. Sounds like things are on an up swing for you. 

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Yeah...do you have to show every transaction, or would pay stubs and a list of bills (rent, utilities, credit cards, etc) be sufficient?

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That doesn't sound right, unless he has to provide his too.   (And it STILL doesn't sound right.)   I would have them to show in court, to the judge, but I would not give them to his attorney ahead of time unless he is giving you his at the same time.  But then, I'm confrontational like that.  I reserve the right to just say no.  It's none of their business.

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Doesn't seeing the tax forms do that??  Tax forms would not care about "other" banks accounts that no one knows about.  (*Also doesn't care how you spent the money.... much.)  Otherwise, isn't it just the deposits into a single account that the other party is aware of?  It does nothing to show ALL the accounts.

 

I'm concerned that they (x and attorney) may be attempting to bully her, without providing any of the information that they are asking her for themselves.

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This is totally standard. Tax returns are filed once per year, they want to see something more up to date. Also, lots of people work "under the table", especially when they are going through a divorce and trying to hide income. This isn't a nefarious scheme, it's completely normal. She can ask to blacken things out but in my experience I did not have any choices about what I had to provide. It was absolutely required. I am sure her attorney is requiring the same from him.

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i will add that they don't have to do all of this if they could come to an agreement outside of court, but they are past that. Once it's going to court all of this becomes not an option anymore. When I had to recalc child support with my ex I was going to have to provide 6 months of back statements. I decided to negotiate with him and not go through the court. I didn't have to give him anything that way

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I wouldn't recommend that here though because freedoms ex has shown that he hasn't been forthcoming with info about their accounts. She tried negotiating and it hasn't worked.

 

I get how violating it feels. It's worse here because they've been separated so long that it really feels like it's none of his business. i get it.

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We had to do this when DH's ex sued for college support.  We provided all the information to our attorney.  We also told him not to hand it over until he had theirs in his hand.  He told the judge he had it & was willing to do a swap.  She never provided hers (she is married to a lawyer & doesn't work, so did not want to present what they have to live on compared to what we live on when she was asking for 100% college expenses from us).  Our lawyer never turned ours over.  Judge finally imputed income on her & we pay 60%.

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My dad paid for my college as a part of their divorce agreement, but it was amicable and he did it with no obligation.  I didn't know it could be required either!

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College support is a thing?  I find that scary.  I don't think any parent is actually obligated to pay for college!

 

I believe that's the case in some states.

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Sorry I meant they shouldn't be obligated.  

 

In my opinion anyway.  That's crazy.

It's a thing. A huge thing especially in NJ.We appear to be about to be hit with it.

 

Sorry for the hijack! Glad you're taking care of yourself!

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It has since been declared unconstitutional to require divorced parents to pay for college when non-divorced parents are not required.  However, all existing orders are still being enforced.  

 

Didn't mean to hijack the thread... just pointing out that it's not an unusual request, but I would not turn over yours unless he turns over his.  The judge was satisfied that our lawyer had them in his possession & did not require us to submit them since the other side refused to provide theirs.

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