It has been 137 days since I have seen my husband. I wish I could snap my fingers and bring him home. I am tired, physically and emotionally. I don't know how single mothers do it...

I miss being able to talk to my best friend. I miss being able to be myself with someone who understands me. Not having to weigh every word I say in case I inadvertently cause world war three. I miss being able to be vulnerable instead of constantly having to be in total control. I can't tell anyone if I am having a hard time or just having a bad day. Keeping it all inside and not talking about my feelings goes against my girl dna. He is having a hard enough time himself that he doesn't need to worry about me as well. My parents hate that he is in the military so telling them anything just makes them hate him more.

I just want to TALK to my husband...not type...TALK. I want to ask him what he wants for dinner...to just sit beside him and know he is there... to share the little things of life with him.

I want my life back. I want my husband, my friends, my stuff....a home that, even if it is rented, belongs to us... I want to cook with my pots and pans, sleep in my bed....

I keep reminding myself I have my children with me. We have a roof over our heads. I have a husband that loves me and misses me.

I am just in a funk at the moment. I am sure tomorrow will be better. I just needed to have a moment to whine and as I said I can't talk to anyone about how hard this is. The other wives understand but they are dealing with their own deployment "stuff".

I am hoping that when the kids and I find a house and get settled in things will get easier. At least then I don't have to spend all day cleaning just in case my grandfather or other relatives randomly drop in....which they do...a lot...

Anyways I will quit complaining now.