That's it - I've broken down - I have an appointment with a psychiatrist today at 3:30.
Of course this psychiatrist is NOT part of my health insurance plan. I called, and looked and searched for someone in my plan. There were a couple - but they are for children only.
I will state this once and now - we need to make mental health care as readily available and affordable as physical health care. I've never looked for mental health care before- and it's ridiculous that it is SO EXPENSIVE and so difficult to find. I can't help but think that a lot of tragedies in this country could be avoided if only it were easier to get mental help.
I have to pay this out of pocket. I debated not going - but damn it - I need this. I can't continue to go one the emotional rollercoaster of my life especially as the court dates are getting so close. My anxiety is keeping me from sleeping. I need help to get through this. I could go to my GP - but I think that seeing an actual shrink - a specialist in emotional problems will not only provide me the most effective treatment- but it may also be the most efficient thing to get me feeling better. This doctor visit will cost me.... 325.00. YES - like I said - I debated not going - but thinking about driving my car off the road - feeling like my life is pointless and that I'm a reproductive cul de sac - sucks. I need out of this slump. I've been doing my level best for over a year - and now I need effective treatment to power through to the end.
Yes - it is 325.00 - Yes I will soon have lawyer fees coming out my rear end - but I NEED help. I need it. I've decided that I will pay for 200.00 of the fee from my HSA. (That's all I put in this year..) and the rest I will pay in cash. I need the help. It's very, very expensive- but I need it. I need it more than I need clothes - or dinner out - or getting my hair done - this has to be a priority for me now so I can get everything else in order.
I'm angry that it is so expensive - but I need it. If I can start to feel better - to see a light at the end of the tunnel - it will be worth it. And if not- then it's only money I suppose.