I would venture this is a normal reaction at this point.  As long as you don't let it consume your life.

If people knew the abuse you put up with, I can't imagine they would feel shame for you.  And if they did, in no way would I want those people in my life.  They're not worth your time.  And don't think you're worth so little that you should go back to someone who abuses you.  You are so much more than your current situation.

Can I make a suggestion that has helped me when dealing with my dysfunctional family? Write down what he did and what compelled you leave and read over it to remind yourself that you did what you did for a reason. Sometimes we second guess ourselves and need to be reminded of how bad the situation really was. I have this has helped stand strong and makes me see how much better my life is without certain people in it.

So sorry that you are dealing with all of this.  I have learned that each person has "stuff" they deal with, no one's life is perfect.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  We can only do our best each day.  Take comfort that you are moving forward and making your way and as you said you really do have a lot to be thankful (happy) about.  

I have lived through my DH's infidelity more than once and that should have ended our marriage.  I took an unpopular route by staying with him and working on our issues.  You endured abuse just as I did, but maybe in a different form.  We each chose different paths, but neither of them are wrong.  I too felt embarrassment, shame, and humiliation; however, I learned through therapy that I did nothing wrong.  I was placing the blame for his decisions on me.  It was not my issue to own.  He had to man up and take that (he did). 

You too are at this place.  You know the truth about your marriage and why you had to leave - place the blame where it really goes.  Who cares if others know that truth; if they truly cared about you they would have been there for you or sought out answers from both sides.  I learned a lot about some of my friends last summer...many of them I no longer speak to by choice.  

I wish you the best and hope you will seek mental health treatment of some form.  You deserve much better and sometimes it takes medications to help us deal with traumatic situations.  Your dog is a great form of therapy as well.  Unconditional love is what we all seek!

Freedom I am so sorry that this man stole so much from you. Is there any way for you to move relocate and start a new life without so many reminders. A fresh start may be just right thing.

One great way to seek and find "happiness" is to continue to do what you did in the paragraph that starts with ..."But I am better off..." Gratefulness is a way to learn to be content. You are actively learning because you recognize the pain and misery you have suffered, you are working to deal with that, yet you can see things to be thankful for.

I know being grateful changes my life on a regular basis. For instance, if I start to moan and groan about some house or yard chore that the whining goes on for a bit, I stop and give thanks for the house, the yard, or whatever I am doing. I stop grumbling pretty darn quickly. Have lived in a number of other countries and witnessed people living with next to nothing.

On yes, gratefulness can help to guide you on your journey to acceptance and contentment.

And love that you are looking forward to what you CAN have! That puts a smile on my face.

Tough emotional challenges for you. Please see the counselor as we all need help in our lives.

Annie

I think if you are depressed enough to think you should go see a doctor to take the edge off, then do that. It will help. 

I know you are feeling ashamed, angry, and so many other emotions. Those are your feelings about it and they are all valid.

However, I disagree with the label of "failure" that you have placed upon yourself. You are anything but. You are a strong person who chose to stop being treated poorly by somebody. You chose to walk away, knowing that it would come at a high cost to you emotionally and financially. You did it anyway because you know in your core that it was the right thing to do because you are worth it. 

Absolutely see your personal doc and get referrals to see you through this rough time. You deserve to have someone you can share your feelings with to support you emotionally AND medication to support you physically with the stress. This will not last forever but you do not deserve to suffer through that pain until it fades. Call today and make an appointment to be seen Monday, seriously. {{Hugs}}

I found a local psychiatrist online and I'm going to call to make an appointment to see him.

I'll get through this - He was officially served yesterday, so I'm really hoping he comes to me with another offer instead of having to take this to court.

I'm just going to stop thinking so much about it. I need to stop overthinking this. Thinking about it won't change it. I've made my decision - I've made my bed and ruminating on the past won't make yesterday or today any different. And there is no reason to think that my future won't be better than my past.

I need to start focusing on today - accept where I am without thinking about why. I don't want to "stick my head in the sand" but going over the same feelings and the same situation endlessly is NOT helping me. I have to accept the situation as FACT - the past is UNCHANGEABLE and my decisions have been made. So I will stop second guessing and focus on the future.

Thank you all for "being here" for me - it is so nice to have a place to put my thoughts. I'm sorry for being such a roller coaster. I'll stabilize -I'll get better.

So - stuff to be happy about. I'm going to make a list each and every day.

Today is Friday!

Levi and I had a great walk this morning. We did an entire mile

I got several things done for work yesterday

Tonight I am meeting a friend for pizza for dinner.

I think I'll watch a comedy on Netflix tonight. (will take suggestions!)

Tomorrow I am going to take Levi to the local farmer's market if it is not raining. There is usually a stand there that sells the best smelling bar soaps. I might buy one as a treat to myself.

Divorce is like a death, only nobody sends flowers.

Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to work through your emotions.  Therapy might help, I'd encourage you to follow up and give the psychiatrist a call.  Allow yourself to grieve, then allow yourself to move on. 

And consider yourself hugged by me, even if it is over the airwaves. 

Don't beat yourself up over being depressed, you've had a rough year.  It would be surprising if you were cheerful all the time after all the changes you have gone through.

Even good changes can cause stress and depression.

Hugs, hugs, hugs.

I'm hoping today things look a bit brighter, even if it is only a tiny glimmer of hope.

Hope the Farmer's Market was great & that you found that soap!

Knowing that depression has hit is big.  Get some medical intervention to help (i.e. meds!) and find a therapist that can help you.  Nothing wrong with talking it out to a neutral ear.

Giving many hugs to you, my friend, as you go through this time of your life!