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I'm Back!

Freedom10

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Hi Everybody!

 

Six weeks ago yesterday was my hysterectomy - I am back in the office today and have not touched a computer since April 15th.

 

So I'll give you all the run down.

 

April 15th - my friend took me to the hospital - I was scared out of my mind as it was my first (and hopefully) only surgery.

As soon as they gave me the happy drugs I was good to go. The surgery went well. I had a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy and my surgeon also took one of my ovaries because it was so encased in a fibroid that she was worried she would cut the blood supply to it if she attempted to separate them.

 

I spent two nights in the hospital, that kind of sucked because I was kept in the maternity wing - but it was nice to walk past the nursery. On Friday evening the doctor released me.

 

I went home and started recovery. It was MUCH harder than I had anticipated. Your abs do a lot of work that you don't realize. Just getting out of bed was difficult. I had to roll to my side and push myself up with my arm.

 

The first two weeks were a haze of pain drugs and daytime tv. (Which is terrible, really and truly terrible.)

 

After that I started to be able to move around a little more and start walking. I was really surprised at how much swelling there was - for the first couple of weeks I could not fit into any of my pants and had to wear yoga pants. I couldn't drive for two weeks either. But I was really lucky - my roommate was fantastic and she did all the shopping, plus I had a few great friends who dropped dinner off for me, and also brought me McDonalds a couple of times on their lunch hours! That was super awesome!

 

A fantastic side effect was that because I couldn't go out anywhere I saved a TON of money while I was sick. So that's cool.

 

As I started to get better I got some projects done - I got a small garden planted in the back yard. 4 tomato plants - 4 peppers and some herbs. I got some flowers planted too.

 

I found myself dealing with major depression. Nothing has moved forward on the divorce front and I am going to have to file, my goal is to get that done this week, I didn't want to really think about it a lot while I was recovering. One of my girlfriends sent my ex a text on the day I had my surgery telling him about it - she never got any reply from him.

 

My depression got really bad - I would dream about babies - I dreamed one night that I was the nanny for the royal baby and I woke in tears. I went back to my doctor who upped my dosage of antidepressants.

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So glad to hear from you and know that you are back on your feet! It's not uncommon to have depression following any kind of surgery (I blame it on the pain meds). This kind of surgery though -- including the hormonal changes -- is especially tough. Hugs. It will get better.

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I am so happy to hear from you! I was starting to fret!

 

I dealt with depression for a while and after several years on meds was able to come off of them completely. It was hard to accept help but once I did I felt so much better.

 

I hope the divorce goes smoothly once you file.

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Great to hear from you, but sorry to hear about the depression.  Sounds like you have some awesome friends!  Hope the divorce can proceed quickly now that you are ready to work on it.

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Yay!  You are back.  We had wondered about you. 

 

Depression sucks.  I've fought it off and on for over 35 years...and I'm not 50 yet.  Meds are my best friend, when needed and when needed, I use them!

 

We are here to back you up and be a sounding board.

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So glad to see an update! I have been thinking of you. I hope your physical and mental healing continues.

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You were missed. I'm so glad to see you back. Although I did not suffer depression after my hysterectomy, I did have some major hormonal episodes better forgotten.

 

Good luck with everything.

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I'm glad to hear from you also - we were worried.

 

I had depression after my hip replacement surgeries.  That is normal - even without the added issues of the type of surgery and pending divorce.  You did the right thing going to the doc about it.

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And I'm glad your are. You've been through so much but you are strong and have all of us.

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So glad you came to check in with us!  Like others, I was starting to get worried, although I do understand you needed some healing time!

 

I think once you get the ball rolling on the divorce, you will feel so much better emotionally.  No more "stuck" feeling.  Keep us updated!

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Glad to "hear" from you. I'm sorry after the surgery was so difficult.

 

I am hoping things on all fronts are looking up for you soon!

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It is great to hear from you.  I'm glad your surgery went well.  Although it's been 21 years, I remember well the pain and swelling after my hysterectomy.  With one ovary gone, your production of estrogen is lower.  You might want to talk to your doctor about a prescription for a low-dose estrogen patch.  That might help with the hormone fluctuations and depression.  Giving up the baby dream is very, very difficult.  But you are young enough to adopt if you decide that is something you'd want to do.  I wish we had done so.

 

Best of luck with the divorce.  Now that you are feeling stronger after surgery, give your attorney the okay to kick your ex with everything he's got.

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I'm so glad you checked back in with us!! Please know you were missed & have been thought of a lot.

 

Echoing what all the others said, & big hugs!

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Now, you have the surgery behind you-thankfully you have physically recovered. Continue to monitor the depression. It is a natural emotion that helps us grieve and cope with being human. However, take care not to let it own you. Are you able to walk? I know you like to run, but you may not be able to do that for a bit. The gardening is a great idea.

 

Agree to get on the stick with the divorce. Get that behind you as quickly as you can without giving up any ground.

 

We may not be able to drop off lunch, but we can certainly cheer you on!

 

Annie

 

Annie

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Thank you for updating us! I am glad to hear that things went well and you are back at work. It sounds like you have a great group of friends around your nest. 

 

Keep taking care of yourself and I hope that the filing goes smoothly. If nothing else, at least you will be one step closer to being done and able to move on with life rather than stuck in a weird limbo of sorts.

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I can't run yet, but I'm able to walk long distances with no problem. I can also do pretty much everything I need to do in daily life. I have not tried lifting anything heavy yet - say over 20 pounds - I'm sure it's probably fine - but I'm a little nervous because there is so much internal abdomen stitches.

 

It's really weird - I still have no feeling between my navel down to the bikini line incision. I can SEE myself touching my abdomen - but I can't FEEL it - very weird.

 

I also have a bit of a "muffin top" over my incision. My doctor said that's just swelling and is totally normal and it will gradually dissipate over the next few months.

 

She actually gave me a picture of what they removed. She said it weighed nearly 3 pounds which is the size of a seven month pregnancy. I have no idea how that all fit in - I was a size six before the surgery but now I can only seem to fit into size 8 pants. I'm sure it's the result of swelling and not being very active for several weeks.

 

My next nemesis is hospital bills. I freaking hate hospital bills. My entire surgery came to 31K!!!! Can you believe that? I was in the hospital for 2 nights and my room and board alone cost nearly 4K!!

 

I owe 1,700 to the hospital after insurance. Because they don't charge interest I setup a payment plan with them. My payments are 145.53 a month for a year. I will pay at least 200 a month and if I can snowball it I will. It's just another reason to be frustrated with the divorce. Technically I HAVE the money to pay it in full - but given the fact that I just paid the other related bills (700 for the CT scan with Contrast) 250 for lab fees - another 200 for my share of the anesthesiologist, I didn't want to tap myself out.

 

So now I'm in debt. And this sucks! And it's not fair because there is a cash savings account with MY name on it that has over 107K in it and I can't touch a damn dime.

 

My ex has almost ALL of the household furniture - ALL of the nice appliances - and he makes more than DOUBLE my salary - and I'm stuck having to make payments on a necessary surgery and go into debt.

 

I hate this - I also hate the fact that I'll never have kids. It's a weird feeling. This morning in the shower I actually thought - huh, I have not had my cycle for a while...it should come any day - and then I remembered that I won't have one anymore. Which is good I suppose - I won't go into early menopause because I still have one ovary - but it's still weird. Sometimes I just think "what's the point now?" - I'll never have kids - I'll die alone in some state run nursing home - I'll never have grandkids - no one will ever look at pictures of me and tell stories about my life - Oh I have to stop this - I'm making myself cry...

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It's natural for your mind to go in those directions.

The medical bills are a frustration, but $0 cost, and accelerates your desire to have the property settlement behind you.

Families come in so many sizes and shapes, the birthing of a baby might be an obvious step. But it is not an important one.

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