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The good, the bad, lucky for me no ugly



Well that is unless you call this weather ugly. Its been so cold here again. I know 50s isn't bad but when the nights are still in the 30s and you have frost on your windows in the Am. Baseball games have been brutal. I am a die hard mom who tries to attend all games and yes I sit out in my lawn chair freezing. We have 2 more games this week and the wind is suppose to whip and the temps the same. Then next week it will hopefully get warmer or maybe I am wishing it will be. I guess that is Minnesota living.


Now the Good, I have to say just when you are over worked, under paid, stressed out, and about to give up on a job they never sees to amaze me. We have been short handed at one of my job so we have all been getting OT (yes nice on the pocket book) for a few weeks now. Its at a group home for adults with disabilities. So this job is already stressful as you have behaviors. So after many weeks of being stressed I started to evaluate my finances and my job and weighing them out. Some how my job must have know as yesterday I got a call to come to the office, now I am freaking out thinking I am getting wrote up or fired. But no my manager hands me an envelope. I look inside to find a NICE snowball. They gave us a $100 bonus for working to hard and being so understanding. Well that helped with the stress and I guess I will keep the job. Then I get to work at the house and the house manager tells me that I get to enjoy the night at some Harlem Globetrotters. YUP I got to work and see some entertainment.


The bad, my DH just can't figure this budget thing out. UGH!!! So I work about 80 hours a week, now 24 of them are overnights and we get to sleep. But when I work the evening shifts my DH seems to think he needs to go out to eat. Heck not even when I am working but also at baseball. For examples Monday evening we had a game and he could not go do to his work schedule. So when I get home I ask what he made for supper, McDonalds. :( Then last night I ask him again when he had, he went out. Asked how he paid, he tells me he used his debit card since he just got paid. Normally he would use his blow money but he is out of it already. He will get more today when I do the bills. I asked him why he didn't eat at home and his reply floored me. He said I wanted eggs. UMMM I think we just got eggs at the store on Saturday and HE GOT THEM so he could not have forgotten. Tonight we will have a nice little talk about BUDGET and eating out. It will go something like this, either you use your blow money and have less this week or we just don't eat out together. UGH!! So frustrating.


If you are still reading thanks for reading my vent.


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I know that sounds frustrating.

It reminds me of the old saw: a failure to plan is a plan to fail.


I see this less as a budgeting & restaurant issue, but more of a meal planning issue.

This is no different than my weakness not to grocery shop while hungry.

In that moment when I haven't thought ahead and I've already failed, I'm going to impulse my way through the whole store.


Try that. The solution is meal planning, my guess is that you do most of that for the family. This is his welcome-to-the-team, he gets to plan for days he eats alone. Touch on the budget issue, but I'm not sure I see that being very productive.

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Clever you are correct. When I am home I usually figure out what to eat for each of us. I left his as free days as when I ask him what he wants his answer is "I don't know". Then in the past I use to write up a whole week menu and when I worked he would still go out and not eat what was on the menu. Thinking I will bring back the menu idea and point out that he needs to follow it just like I do.

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I'm sorry to hear that DH really hasn't caught on to the budgeting thing yet.    DW and I took Financial Peace University together and managed to get on the same page.    I still handle most of the finances, but we both have the same goals that we are trying to reach.


I'm a "guy".  I like to cook and prepare meals, but under the rare occasion when I'm at home alone for an evening meal, I will also be tempted to order in delivered food, because I just don't feel like "preparing" a meal.   I open the fridge door or pantry, and all I see is time consuming stuff to make and I really don't feel like spending the time it takes to make the food.


BUT...  I know in my heart that I'd rather eat at home instead of buying food..   I'd much rather have the money in my pocket instead of the restaurant's cash register.  I have a quick meal that is extremely quick to make, and it is a "guy" type of food.        We always have pre-sliced pepperoni in our fridge, as well as some mozzarella cheese.  Some of the dried pepperoni slices have "best before" dates that typically are 3 to 4 months out - so it lasts a long time.     When I'm hungry and want a quick feeding of tasty food, I grab 2 slices of bread, put them on a pizza tray.  I grab a can of pasta sauce, put some sauce on the bread, apply the pre-sliced pepperoni and some mozza cheese on it.   10 to 15 mins in the oven and some pizza slices made out of bread is ready to eat.   Very little effort involved, and a typical "guy" type meal comes out of the oven.     


If a "pizza" can be made at home quicker than it can be delivered, the chances of him ordering out I figure are less.

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Mine was more for health and weight loss. But I had a revaluation a little while back.


Splurging alone is half as enjoyable as splurging together.

I feel like such a waste when a meal is fancy, caloric or enjoyable and it was alone.

Maybe your husband feels that way too?


Focus on gentle pressure.

'Honey, by "I don't know" do you mean "go out to eat?"'

Then let him honestly answer. If that's what he wants, you're not the Food Police. Let him plan for that.

I'm with Davage. I don't want to sink a lot of effort into a meal that only serves one. I'm not sure how Hanibal does it.

I'll eat better by adding sardines, brioche and asiago to the shopping list.

Then again, I'd be happy stopping at the taco truck and eating cheap.

If I had a few nights on my own I might plan to do both, not sure which would be Monday or Wednesday, but who cares?

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I totally understand about the weather and the ball games.  The April ball games are just the worst.  Doesn't matter if it's softball, baseball, soccer, whatever.  Those 8 am and 9am games are just brutally cold.  More than once with Caiti....I watched from the car.



Back when DH was laid off and I was working overnights, 2 jobs, I still did 90% of the cooking.  Because the reality is that just because my DH has the ability to cook most things if directions are left...that doesn't mean he actually wants to.  In the end....he just didn't feel like putting forth the effort.  So, my goal was to either make stuff ahead and freeze it, or make serious use of my crockpots and bread machine.  Toss some chicken breasts in one crockpot with some sauce or gravy, some potatoes in another, covered with water and then bread in the bread machine.  I could do it after I came home before I went to bed and it would be ready to go at dinner time.


Then, after he got the job here, we had 3 months or so where he would stay in the apartment during the week, come back after work on Friday and stay the weekend, then head back on Monday.  I STILL did most of the cooking for him. I would put together homemade frozen pizzas, homemade "tv dinners" put together with leftovers, etc, and pack it all up in a cooler for him. 


If I didn't go to this effort...he would either just eat out...or not eat.  And I didn't like having a spouse come home at 7pm on Friday, after 2 hours of driving after working 9 or 10 hours, and on top of all the exhaustion be irritable and such because he hadn't eaten all day. 

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I admit, when Dh is traveling AND the kids aren't home, there is no way I'm cooking a full meal. I will make rice and beans, or I will get take out. But....unless there are unusual circumstances, I use my blow money for the take out. I may not feel like cooking but at least I don't derail the whole budget and affect the rest of the family.


What about some easy freezer stuff on hand for him?

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We do have food he can prepare for himself. There is usually left overs also. The food is usually easy stuff like soap or pasta dishes like spaghetti. He just choosers not to make the stuff. I think I am going to try some crock pot meals. I just can't do them 2 days in a row as most mornings I am rushing in and then back out to get to work on time so no time to clean the pot before I fill it again. I will have to see how it goes.

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We do have food he can prepare for himself. There is usually left overs also. The food is usually easy stuff like soap or pasta dishes like spaghetti. He just choosers not to make the stuff. I think I am going to try some crock pot meals. I just can't do them 2 days in a row as most mornings I am rushing in and then back out to get to work on time so no time to clean the pot before I fill it again. I will have to see how it goes.

Some things to help with that...get a second crockpot.  I got my (first) second one on clearance at CVS for $5.  The crock broke after much use, so I picked up another at a garage sale for $3.  They can be had a Goodwill for similar prices fairly often.  You could even just get a second crock (assuming your CP is the kind with the removable crock.)  You could then rotate the two out so that you don't have to worry about it if you don't get it clean. 


You can also rotate frozen meals and crockpot meals.  Like on Tuesday, he pulls a disposable pan full of lasagne out and plunks it in the oven, then Wednesday you have chicken in the crockpot, Thursday you have him pull out frozen pizzas from the freezer etc. 


Also, can he wash the crock for you?  When we were dealing with our stuff, DH would not feel like cooking, but he WOULD get dishes in the dishwasher. 

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My DH is wonderful about doing laundry, I don't even have to touch it and its daying. Now the dishwasher he will load and unload it but only if the sink is fully. The crocks he ALWAYS leaves in the sink. I actually left it once for DAYS and he never touched it. Finally I got fed up and did it myself. So him washing it ya that would be wishful thinking. Dishes are not his thing, well neither are bathrooms but I just have learned to deal with it.


I was thinking I will have to get another one and will start looking. I don't get to second hand stores to often as the ones in my town close before I get off work and I don't get to the bigger city but once a month. So next time I go I will check it out.

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