So I saw the surgeon on Monday. He does not think it is a fatty mass - he thinks it is a desmoid tumor that is attached to my abdominal wall or he said it could be endometriosis as well. But I've never had any health issues as far as that is concerned - I'm always on time and under budget in that arena.
I'm not in any pain - nor do I have any symptoms of any sort. It does not hurt to press on it. But it's probably some fatal and very expensive tumor.
Awesome. Totally Awesome...
I started googling desmoid tumors - and then I stopped. I don't need to know anything about it - I just need to get rid of it.
SOOO. I am going to have a CT scan with contrast. I've never had any kind of medical test like that before. The surgeon's nurse is supposed to call me in the next day or two in order to schedule it.
Yup. I finally get the courage to leave (it's been over a year now) and I'm STILL not divorced - and now I may have some cancerous growth - AWESOME. Brilliant - AMAZING...
So now I'm thinking - wow - if I had stayed - money would not be a worry for me - heck we could have paid for the surgery in cash if we had to. Now all of my money goes to doctors and lawyers.
I could not have better luck. You people are going to start thinking I'm not real - that I'm some sort of internet troll - god I wish I were. But I'm not. This is what my life has come to - and it SUCKS.
So - I went for lunch with a coworker today and spent the entire time daintily wiping under my eyes with my napkin while I told her what the doctor said. The surgical nurse still has not called me back and I REALLY WANT THIS SCHEDULED AND DONE. It feels like my ENTIRE life is the hands of someone else. Waiting for my lawyer to write the papers - waiting for my doctor to cut me open.
I can't tell you how much I just want to go to my favorite little bar tonight after work and get a stiff drink - and put on some music and dance myself sick. But I won't - that costs money that I need to send to either my attorney or my surgeon - and drinking is not exactly healthy.
I just want forward momentum - in a HAPPY direction. That's all - just forward momentum in a happy direction.