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Ending the Holiday Madness

Entries in this blog

Blog for a new life

I've never done a blog of any sort before - but seeing as my current situation has me creating posts that I come back to often, I'm thinking a blog would work best.   Right now - today - I'm throwing myself a pity party. My birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. I have no one to spend it with. Previously each year my (soon to be) ex and I would rent a cabin with his parents - who I love very much but no longer want to talk to me since I left their son.   My roommate is going out of state

Freedom10

Freedom10

The no update update.

So, this is kind of a no update update. I saw my counselor again last week. I really like her - she helps me to be calm and think things through. I've been struggling a lot emotionally lately. I think the weather being so cold and snowy and horrible is not helping. I have not been running as much as I would like - it just sucks. I've been down on myself and not chipper. I keep thinking that now I'll never have kids -therefore my life is pretty much pointless, I'll never be anyone's grandm

Freedom10

Freedom10

All of my earthly problems will be solved in one hallway – America is beautiful!

Turns out that my new lawyer and my counselor are exactly two doors down from each other in the same building. Someone should make a sit com about that. So, I went to see the lawyer that my EAP recommended. It was great. Not that my previous lawyer was not a “real” lawyer – but his office was his kitchen. His waiting room was his living room couch where I would sit on my phone and pretend not the hear the people in his kitchen talking about whatever it was they were there to see him for. But he

Freedom10

Freedom10

I'm Back!

Hi Everybody!   Six weeks ago yesterday was my hysterectomy - I am back in the office today and have not touched a computer since April 15th.   So I'll give you all the run down.   April 15th - my friend took me to the hospital - I was scared out of my mind as it was my first (and hopefully) only surgery. As soon as they gave me the happy drugs I was good to go. The surgery went well. I had a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy and my surgeon also took one of my ovaries because it was so encased

Freedom10

Freedom10

Little by little

So, I'm trying to actively incorporate better things in my life. Someone gave me a running leash. You clip it around your waist and it clips to the dog - there is a handhold and it has a little stretch to it. She wasn't able to use it to run with her dog, so she gave it to me.   I took Levi out on two runs with it and it works really well! I like it and I think he really likes it too. We did two miles each time. I have to send her a thank you note.   I went to my first AA meeting. I picked a

Freedom10

Freedom10

How hard to fight?

Alan replied to my email request. He said he wants to get this finalized ASAP.   Said I can have the additional items I asked for but I can't have Little Kitty.   I currently have a 5 X 15 foot storage unit. It is full but I'm doing everything in my power to clean it out. Because I didn't pack any of the boxes myself, I'm going through each one.   Taking the kitchen table and chairs means that I will have to store them somewhere. (My roommate already has a kitchen table) and we don't

Freedom10

Freedom10

Getting my things tomorrow!

So I got a reply from Alan yesterday and we worked out that I will go to the house tomorrow at noon to get my share of our things.   I am renting a big uhaul and I have 4 friends who are going with me. Alan has agreed to not be home, and I told him I will text him when we leave.   I cried like a baby last night - I guess it was all the emotions of this really being over coming out. More than anything I will hate seeing our little kitty. I love her so much, and I can't take her. It is her

Freedom10

Freedom10

I'm going to see a dr.

That's it - I've broken down - I have an appointment with a psychiatrist today at 3:30.   Of course this psychiatrist is NOT part of my health insurance plan. I called, and looked and searched for someone in my plan. There were a couple - but they are for children only.   I will state this once and now - we need to make mental health care as readily available and affordable as physical health care. I've never looked for mental health care before- and it's ridiculous that it is SO EXPENSIVE a

Freedom10

Freedom10

Blah, I'm depressed

Today - I am having a pity party for myself.   I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'll never have kids - I have a failed marriage that I just can't seem to get done with.. when I die no one will care. I've lost an entire family - inlaws - everyone on his side has just vanished. It's as if I never even existed.   I'm going to end up one of those lonely old ladies who adopts too many cats and watches enless reruns of hoarders and snapped and all kinds of crappy Dr Phil shows just so I can say to mysel

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Freedom10

Maybe I will hear back today

So I contacted my lawyer on Wednesday night.   Here is the issue - Ex is claiming that 300K he has in retirement is a "pre-marital asset". He has it in an ING account. I know that account was opened in 2006. We were married in 02 It has only his name on it.   While I do not doubt that it is the rollover of several jobs including one that he had before we were married I am still entitled to HALF of what was accumulated during our marriage. I indicated that several weeks ago and we have a

Freedom10

Freedom10

Going to meet with a new lawyer

So today is going to be a hard day, but I’m hoping that it will be a good one. Through the counselor that I saw last week, she told me that my employer program also provides for legal assistance. I contacted the EAP and found a new lawyer. This lawyer costs 300.00 an hour, this lawyer also knows of my current lawyer and Alan’s lawyer. So I’m going to meet with this lawyer today and auspiciously, this lawyer is in the same building as my counselor who I will be meeting right after I meet with t

Freedom10

Freedom10

I'm moving

I've decided to move out of my roommate's condo.   Perhaps it's not the greatest financial decision - but it won't be too much more expensive.   I just NEED NEED NEED NEED my own place. I can't continue to live out of one bedroom. My mental health depends on moving on.   I signed a lease for eight months which will end in August - hopefully I can transition directly from my apartment to a house because with any luck at all the divorce will be over by then.   I signed a lease on a two bed

Freedom10

Freedom10

Frustrated with no progress

Last Friday I emailed EX's lawyer and cc'd my lawyer. In the email I was very kind and requested access to my house. I explained that I would like to get my winter clothes, some books, some pots and pans, some dishes, my jewelry, maybe a coffee maker, some Christmas decorations.   I said that while I have keys to the house as well as a garage door opener - I have not attempted to gain entry to my house and for all I know he could have changed the locks. (I would be VERY surprised if he has

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Freedom10

It went well!

Got up in the morning and rented a 14 foot Uhaul, also rented a 5X15 storage unit at the same place. It costs 70.00 a month BUT they give you the first month free, so I have it now for 2 months.   I met up with 4 of my friends, 3 guys and a girlfriend. Two of the guys have kids and not much money this time of year so I paid them 60.00 each cash. I was glad to do it and they were so very helpful. We met in a parking lot and all caravanned over to my old house.   My garage door opener did

Freedom10

Freedom10

My Vacation Rundown

So it's been years since I have taken an entire 5 days off work - don't know why but I usually just take one or two days at a time.   Anyway - my roomie left for her parents house so I had the place to myself.   Sunday night I had a girlfriend over and we decorated the living room. I spent 25.00 at the dollar store and bought tinsel, a little tinsel tree for the mantel, some light-up ornaments I hung from the mantel, a couple of Christmas placemats and two Christmas wineglasses and coffee

Freedom10

Freedom10

Had a good weekend!

So, I got a bunch of stuff done this weekend - but I might have paid some stupid tax.   I had a storage unit that I opened in December when I moved my stuff out of the house. I've been working on cleaning it out. I FINALLY did that yesterday!   I rented a small truck from U-Haul - the stupid tax part is that I paid the 14.00 for the "insurance" without thinking that my car insurance would probably have covered it. I didn't think about that at all until I told my friends who had come to help

Freedom10

Freedom10

Little update

So - nothing new on the divorce front - my attorney said he expects to hear from Ex's attorney in the next couple of days. I really, really want a resolution to this. I need / want some of my things. I have Christmas ornaments I'd like to put up this year. Candles I'd like to display. Stuff that simply and plain out belongs to me that I'd really like to have right now. But I just have to be patient.   My roommate decided to buy a new washer and dryer. Her set was at least 15 years old

Freedom10

Freedom10

Ok, things have to get better right?

So my lawyer called me about 4:00 yesterday while I was at work. Turns out Alan and his lawyer set up a time for me to pick up items - between 12 and 1 yesterday!!   He said he didn't get the reply in time - did not check his email over the weekend.   So he told me to contact Alan directly and setup a time to pickup items.   I sent an email last night to Alan - I cc'd my lawyer but NOT Alan's lawyer as I am not to contact her. I said that the message regarding the pickup time was NOT re

Freedom10

Freedom10

Very, very depressed

Well, it is official - one step further along I suppose. The papers have been filed and the restraining order was signed by a judge. My lawyer sent me the signed paperwork today.   This means that my ex can't do anything with our money - so far - the honor system has seemed to work. But now I don't have to check or worry about it.   It just sucks that it had to come to this. It sucks that I don't have ANY family - it sucks that I'm all on my own. I miss my in-laws. I miss my old life - I mis

Freedom10

Freedom10

All I can do now is wait...

So yesterday was our second court date - at least it was supposed to be.   A girlfriend went with me - we arrived really early and sat outside the courthouse smoking - as we did my ex walked passed us and into the building.   Anyway - I check in with the Baliff and sit down - a few minutes later my lawyer comes to me and says that while they are there - they do not have all of the financial information that they were required to provide soooooo.........   Continuance.....until...........

Freedom10

Freedom10

Luck O the Irish To Ye!

Wow - well today marks a big "anniversary" for me. It's officially been a year since I moved out. I think about where I was a year ago today, what I was feeling - how I was thinking - what has happened in the last year. The fact that we are still not done.   I wonder how Alan is doing. I wonder what he is going to do today. Is he even in town? Is he out of town on business? Is he thinking about today the way I am or has the anniversary of the end of our marriage completely slipped his m

Freedom10

Freedom10

Good News Bad News

Well I got the results yesterday. There is no cancer and for that I am incredibly grateful. The mass we can feel did not show up on the CT scan, this is good news because the surgeon says that may indicate that it is indeed a fatty mass.   The bad news is that I have a serious, serious - problem with fibroids - to the point where they recommended a hysterectomy as soon as possible. They made an appointment for me with my OBGYN for today. They have sent the results of them to her. The sur

Freedom10

Freedom10

DR would say I made an irresponsible decision....

Ok - I have to confess - DR would NOT approve of what I did, especially given the fact that I'm in debt for medical bills to the tune of 1,700, plus I have no clue how expensive lawyer fees are going to be, potentially in the several thousands but I went ahead and I adopted a puppy.   I asked my roommate if I could - and she was more than fine with it. Her parents have a dog that stays with us when they are out of town.   I realize that this is a "lifelong" commitment. That I'm going to have

Freedom10

Freedom10

CT scan at 3:00 EST today

I got a call from the Surgeon's office this morning and am going in for a CT scan with contrast today at 3:00. I'm really really really really really really nervous.......   It's going to be ok - the only thing I'm really worried about is the IV. I pass out over needles. But I can do this. I won't look, I'll think about my favorite things - and it's all going to be ok.   The worst part right now is that I can't drink anything - not since 11:00 today.   I could really use your prayers

Freedom10

Freedom10

Pre-Op / Counseling / and Anger

Today I go in for my pre-op tests (blood test etc) I've never had surgery before so I have no idea what exactly this entails, but I suspect it'll be pretty standard.   I am meeting with my counselor beforehand. (it simply worked well with my PTO).   Big mix of emotions regarding this.   Some folks say to fight and keep my fertility at least until I'm 45, others say the hysterectomy is the right decision. The thing I keep coming back to is that I'm 40, I'm single for the foreseeable future,

Freedom10

Freedom10

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